ArticleDating Advice

How to Deal with Competition from Other Guys

Have you ever been talking with a woman, only to have another guy interrupt you and take over the conversation? Next thing you know, he’s leading her away to grab a drink, and you’re standing alone…

There are a few things that you can do so this never happens again.

How to Respond

Our beginning clients often complain about other guys interrupting them while they’re talking to women, and ask our coaches how they can deal with competition from other guys. There’s no reason to worry if you know how to handle the situation.

If your relationship with the girl has a strong foundation (you’ve met her before, or you’ve been talking for a while), then you shouldn’t worry about a stranger stealing her away from you. Regardless of who he is, if she’s already invested in you, it will be difficult for another guy to create a strong enough connection to pull her away.

Instead, he will become part of the backdrop of your experience with the woman. His interruption will help create an “us against the world” bubble around the two of you, further strengthening your bond and relationship.

If you don’t have a strong connection with the woman yet, you can stop guys from trying to enter your group by developing confident body language. We will cover how to cultivate this in depth in another article, but it’s important to understand that guys get intimidated when they see a confident man.

Think about this from an approaching guy’s perspective. Would you be more inclined to approach a woman with a man who looks weak, or a man who looks confident?

But even if you project confidence, sometimes you’ll get a guy who is bold enough to try to interrupt you and take the girl anyway.

In these situations, don’t overreact. There’s no reason to encourage other men, but if you’re dating a healthy, beautiful, social woman, other men will be attracted to her and will approach her. In these situation, ask yourself the question, “As a confident man, is this guy a real threat?” The answer is usually that he’s not.

If it Goes Too Far…

Every once in awhile, these situations go too far.

A while back, I was seeing a woman named Jen. We met one night at a bar in Murray Hill here in New York City. Shortly after I arrived, I stepped outside to find one of our friends, who was lost on the street. Jen agreed to wait by the bar.

I was only gone for five minutes, but when I got back I found her leaning back with three guys around her. We both knew what she was doing, but I didn’t react. Instead, when she glanced at me, I just smiled and continued to talk with my friends.

At one point, I realized things were going too far, and I signaled for her to come over to where I was. She turned her head back and forth to tell me no, and began to heavily flirt with one of the guys. I knew I had to intervene, so I walked up, grabbed her hand, and pulled her out of the group.

The guy she was flirting with tried to follow her. He introduced himself. I shook his hand in a cordial way, wished him a good night, and blocked him out with my body.

I turned toward Jen, and looked her directly in the eyes, “Kiss me.”

She responded with a defiant, “No.”

At that moment, I’m not sure what was going through her head. If she was interested in the other guy, mad because I left her alone, or something else, but regardless, she had crossed a line.

I looked her and firmly warned her, “Don’t ever do that again.”

“Do what?” she responded.

“You know what you did.”

She was was quiet for a moment, then she grabbed the back of my head and began kissing me intensely. The message to the other guy was clear: “Back off. I’m with him.”

What should we take from this?

This story shows that sometimes you need to assert yourself strongly if another guy makes too much headway with a woman that you’re interested in or dating.

But it can be difficult to know how and when to use this. Many guys take dominance too far and embarrass themselves. In Jen’s case, she was young, beautiful, and liked the attention. A lot of women go through a phase like this. If you find you’re dating a woman like this, you need to be comfortable with yourself, but you’ll also need to understand and communicate your boundaries.

If you’re not used to managing these situations, then get mentorship from someone who knows how to navigate them. It will save you from enduring endless trial, error, and heartache.

Christopher Luna

Craft of Charisma Founder / CEO / Dating Coach / Life Coach / Speaker / Writer: Book phone coaching session with Chris Luna

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