ArticleDating AdviceSocial Skills

Getting Yourself Out There

Getting started down the path of building your social skills and improving your life can be intimidating if you are coming from a place of severe social anxiety and isolation. The most important step is to take consistent action, putting yourself into social situations and proactively meeting new people.

But what if you don’t have any friends, or don’t have friends that are interested in pursuing the same goals as you? I was faced with this dilemma when I first got into self-improvement over two years ago. For the first seven months, all I did was absorb a lot of content while only going out sporadically. It wasn’t until I started going out consistently and applying what I was learning that I started making more substantial progress in building my social skills.

One simple solution is to go out alone, but this strategy isn’t for everyone, and its effectiveness depends upon the circumstances. Going to a social event, class, or interest group is probably going to be easier than going out to a bar or nightclub alone. But if you have the motivation to go out to nightlife venues by yourself, absolutely go for it! You’re already well ahead of the curve if you can consistently build social momentum on your own.

The first time I ever went out specifically to meet girls, I went by myself to the local college bar on party night. I was scared out of my mind, and it took over a half hour of standing around before I started approaching, but by the end of the night I had talked to about a dozen different girls. The interactions were all pretty short and didn’t lead anywhere, but at the end of the night I felt amazing for having pushed myself way beyond my comfort zone.

Later I plan to write a whole separate article on the benefits and detriments of going out to nightlife venues alone, but for now I will just mention a few things to consider. Who you’re with is important in attracting girls. A social guy with a lot of great friends will be more attractive than a guy who has no friends.

However, there are a lot of guys who go out alone and get better results than when they’re out with friends. Ultimately, success in these situations depends upon how you come across to the people that you’re meeting. If you can go out by yourself and are social enough, people won’t realize that you’re alone (in fact, you won’t be, because you’ll have made friends that night!) so it won’t negatively impact your game.

Another approach you can take is to admit you went out by yourself in a confident and positive way. For example, you could say something like, “Every time I go out by myself I always meet awesome people!” As you build social confidence, going out alone will become less and less of a big deal.

If going out alone doesn’t sit well with you, then you still have other options. If you are lucky enough to have friends who are also motivated to meet girls and improve their social skills, go out with them. The greater level of comfort and support from going out with friends will enable you to have fun more easily and automatically make you more attractive to girls.

But if you don’t have friends to go out with, check out meetup.com. This is a great resource to find groups of people with similar interests in your local area. After seven months of absorbing a ton of content and going out very little, I found a local wingman group and started going out with them consistently. It truly was a game-changer.

One caveat with meetup groups is that you get a diverse crowd, so you won’t always click with or feel compatible with everyone in the group. Girls will notice if you are hanging out with a group of people that you don’t fit in well with, and in these situations they will get weird vibes and overall be less receptive to you.

Depending on your social history, you might find it hard to connect with anyone at first, so it’s important to stick with the same group for at least a few months to see if your comfort builds.

After a while, I became friends with a few people from the wingman group, and then I started going out with them separately from the meetup events.

Regardless of whether you go out alone or seek out groups of people with similar interests, as long as you’re socializing, then you’re making progress. Although it might feel intimidating at first, in the long run you’ll be glad you put yourself out there.

Mike

Mike

Mike is a 2014 Craft of Charisma intern.

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