How to Touch a Girl
By Rob Virges
“How to Touch a Girl”
“Won’t I get smacked and have a drink thrown in my face if I decide touched a girl?”
“Isn’t it inappropriate to touch a girl?”
“I can’t touch a girl, I don’t want them to think I’m creepy, weird, or like Donald Trump.”
I’ve been in the dating game for almost 4 years now at this point, 3 years of that spent coaching shy guys to move past their anxieties and irrational fears towards meeting and connecting with women. As a Craft of Charisma coach, touching is a subject that is just second nature at this point. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that such a normal and human action can develop and leave such a strong and lasting connection in terms of human connection, romance, and especially seduction.
Touch is one of the most basic forms of human connection. In life, we touch the people we’re closest to; our friends, family, and especially our romantic partners. It’s a sign that we’re past the surface level formalities and have reached a deeper bond with them. In order to build romantic chemistry and trust with any girl especially with one you’ve might have had just met, it’s essential to break the barrier with touch. In this follow-up edition of the Craft of Charisma “How to” series and Part 1 of 2 of How to Touch a Girl, you’ll learn the fundamentals of touching a girl you’re trying to develop a connection with, how to touch, what to look out for, and how to touch her in a way that will make you and her feel more connected to each other.
Before ever asking “the how” the first question you should be asking is “the when”. Always remember everything in dating and courtship is a test. We utilize touch to test to see where she’s at and if she’s receptive to your advances. When is the best time to touch her? Immediately. Yes, that’s right, immediately, as soon as you open her and introduce yourself. Whether it’s a simple introductory handshake, a quick hand on her shoulder, a fist bump, or an excited high five, connecting with her early is very important. This demonstrates that you’re friendly, comfortable in your own skin, and naturally expressive.
The longer you wait to make contact, the more awkward it’ll be for her and for you. As you and her continue to get to know each other, your touches should become more personal and intimate. The lead up to your 1st kiss with her should feel natural and smooth and not like a sudden display of affection. Whether it’s flirting with her verbally, touching, or any type of seduction always remember “seduction is like a boiling pot of water, you SLOWLY turn the temperature up.”
The way you touch her reflects your personality, feelings, and intentions towards her. Always, remember the way you touch her is another form of communication with her. Don’t touch her and grab her hard like you would with your brother or best friend but at the same time if your touch is too much like feint poking, you’re not projecting the right message to her either. Like with everything in life, test and find the middle ground. Your touches should have a little weight but without being overwhelming. Start from her shoulder, to her elbow, fist bump her, or validate her with a playful high five and try and interlock your fingers with her for a short moment, if she pulls back and is unreceptive, don’t be phased, she’s most likely not comfortable with you yet.
Like having a flirty conversation with her and getting her to invest in you, your touch should feel as natural and flows like the conversation. As a rule of thumb, find the middle ground between the happy and affectionate drunk guy with the overwhelming hugs and the incredibly shy guy whose hands hover.
“Etiquette & What Not to Do”
I felt it was necessary to include this section to reinforce the fact that each girl is different with a unique personality, threshold, different value system, and most of all different circumstance. What I mean by that is that a girl may or may not be receptive to your touches and advances due to a whole list of things. She may have a boyfriend, might be married, might just not be interested, or might just be very conservative culturally or religiously. That doesn’t mean I’m discouraging you from practicing your skills, just use your common sense, have social awareness, and be considerate. Pull back if she looks uncomfortable, pulls away, breaks rapport, or calls you out on any of it. Don’t make it dramatic, just pull back, keep talking to her, rinse, and repeat. Don’t take any of it personally; oftentimes it’s usually just because she’s not comfortable with you yet. Continue with your playful flirting, making her laugh, getting to know her, strengthening your rapport, and most of all strengthening your connection with her.
“The Levels of Touch”
Touching as simple it can be as I’ve mentioned before is another form of communicating your intentions towards the girl you’re attracted to. Since I’m only teaching you the basics this week I will keep it simple for now by providing you with a list of the different types of touches you can use to create a physical connection with the girl you’re attracted to. Remember, seduction is a like a boiling pot of water and to boil a pot of water you have to slowly turn up the heat. Start with small gestures and escalate your touches progressively to intimate touching.
The Introduction & getting past being a stranger phase:
- Shaking her hand and holding it for an extra second
- High fiving her
- Touching her elbow as you emphasize or explain something
- Touching her shoulder
- Validating her with light hugs (fist bumps & high fives with a slight interlock)
Touching her like a friend phase:
Note: You can use the same types of touch from the previous list; just prolong your touch if she’s comfortable.
- Messing with her hair while hugging her from the side like you would with your bratty little sister or best friend.
- When leading her anywhere, you’re holding her hand or guiding her with your hand on her lower back.
- Resting your thigh against hers when she’s sitting next to you
- Placing your hand on her stomach
- Playfully flicking her nose after she looks down from you telling her she has something on her shirt.
Seductive Touching Phase:
- You place your hand on her thigh whenever you’re sitting next to her.
- You slowly run your hand through her scalp as if you were massaging her and through her hair as you’re looking into her eyes
- Your hand is interlocked with hers as you’re talking to her
- You grab her around the waist and pull her hip against yours.
- You touch the necklace she’s wearing while slowly brushing your fingers on her neck.
- While sitting close, you run your fingers towards her inner thigh
- You take a long pause during a conversation, look into her eyes, then her lips and her eyes again and pull her in for a kiss.
So there you have it, the fundamentals of touching a girl you’re attracted to. In part two of this article I will expand on that list, quick hacks on getting comfortable with touch, other ways you can practice, and the final phase of touching where you sexually escalate with her.
‘Til Next Time,
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