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How to Be Seductive (Part II)

By Rob Virges

“Well I know the mindset on what it takes to be a sexy man in this day and age but how do I trigger attraction and trigger her to see me in a sexual and romantic light?”

If you hadn’t read part one of this two part series, I highly recommend that you look into it before reading this post. As I’ve mentioned before you cannot build a house on a weak foundation. I can give you all the best lines and help you improve yourself externally but if you don’t build your internal core confidence, you’re at a serious disadvantage and you will never feel or believe that you are attractive to the opposite sex.

In part 1 I gave you 4 step guide on building your sexual appeal from mindset, to building an attractive life, to giving yourself an external upgrade, and execution through seeking out mentors and treating the world around you as one gigantic lab experiment. If you’ve already read Part 1, please feel free to continue as in this article I will talk about male sex appeal and the values, character traits, and qualities women find attractive in men.

One thing to note, it’s essential that you look at the long term game and realize that building sex appeal and learning seduction takes time. Its fundamental to understand that attraction is totally different for women then it is form men. Most men go under the assumption that like them, looks are what attract a woman. The reality is actually far from the perception.  I briefly talked about this in one of my previous posts “How to Touch a Girl Part I & II” but to refresh your memory and make it a little easier on you I’ll briefly go over what triggers attraction in women and men.  As men, we’re biologically hardwired to seek out the healthiest mates for reproduction and ensuring our genes are passed off into the next generation and aren’t weeded out of existence.

So it’s natural that the highest priority for men when seeking out a partner and deciding if they’re attracted to a woman is based on the surface level things such as her level of physical attractiveness which ensures reproductive value. That doesn’t mean that men are shallow and the only thing that they care about is looks, in civilized society it’s only lately that men have been conditioned to believe that they find a girl attractive because some something in-explainable such as her vibe or her personality even if they don’t know the girl personally.  It’s just fundamental to understand that men are hardwired to decide if they’re attracted to her based on her looks and personality traits and values as a secondary thing.

Women on the other hand are hard wired to take their time when assessing on if they are or not attracted to a man. Women assess men for three things in looking for a mate and that’s safety, health, and hierarchy. Because, women have a lot to lose and have to bear the child they want to know if their potential mating partner is physically healthy for reproduction, where they lie on the food chain matters as in can the man provide and gather resources for her and their child, and are they capable of making her feel secure and safe from outside threats to her and their potential children.

I didn’t mean to make this an evolutionary psychology lesson but I wanted to provide you some context on what triggers and the differences between male and female attraction.  If there’s one key takeaway here is that “attraction is different for women than it is for men.” This can explain the phenomenon where you’ll see drop dead gorgeous women dating, in a relationship, or are married to a guy who is less than stellar in the looks department. Most people would make the assumption that she’s only with him due to his resources and status such as the man’s wealth or social standing in society. While this is true in some cases, there are other valid reasons to why she’s with him and it all boils down to value. What does value mean? It can mean that the guy provides some kind of value to her which goes back to those three things: safety, health, and hierarchy.  He provides emotional value, hierarchical value, protective value, and etc.

So as I’ve mentioned, for men if you’re blessed with good genes it can help but it’s not the end all be all or deal-breaker.  You don’t have to be a Men’s Health or GQ cover model to attract and go out with the girl of your dreams. It’s fundamental to know that seduction is a process and building attraction and comfort with a girl is a process, it’s not a sudden event like it is for a lot of men. It happens over time depending on how well you understand it and how it works. That’s why in “How to be Seductive Part I” I spent a great amount of time talking about developing your core-confidence, building an interesting life and pursuing a life of passion so you have interesting things to talk about which creates attraction and builds your value, and talking about things like grooming, fitness, and fashion to help you package yourself better when attracting the right mate.

So when you ask a girl or any girl what she finds attractive in a man or what’s the first thing she’ll notice, for that matter 9 times out of 10 she’ll most likely list personality and character traits over the superficial things such as looks and the size of your bank account. Now don’t get me wrong, that can help you attract women but I can tell you it’ll probably attract the wrong kinds of women and your self-worth shouldn’t be dictated by what your pedigree is or what resources you have. Those things are merely extensions of yourself and the life you’re building for yourself.

So what are examples of sexy traits that can increase your sex appeal?

  1. Sense of Humor:
    • Humor can take you a really long way. A man who lacks a sense of humor and just takes himself way too seriously is just not attractive and can be a huge pain in the ass for her. As I’ve said before you want to build emotional equity/value and comfort with her. One of the fastest ways to break the ice is through humor. Don’t believe me, go on YouTube right now and look up Russell Brand MSNBC Interview. You’ll know exactly what I mean. So find the funny in everything around you, laugh a little, and if you really want to develop your sense of humor and wit take up a stand-up comedy class, read about pop culture and just think about the absurdities, and just make random observations of the world around you but in a lighthearted manner.
  2. Intellect:
    • You don’t have to be a textbook genius or an asshole know-at-all but having some kind of wit or communicating your curiosity about the world around you will do wonders. I’d recommend looking up Hank Moody from the show Californication as he manages to infuse literary wit with sexual innuendos to just emotionally stimulate a girl.
  3. Strength:
    • I’m not talking about physical strength or appearance though it certainly doesn’t hurt to be in shape. I’m talking about being a man and being mentally and emotionally strong. They’ll be a lot of emotional ups and downs but the most important part is to have a strong sense of who you are, staying grounded in your own reality, and dealing with your emotions in the most constructive way possible. I’d recommend looking into meditation, stoicism, or Zen Buddhism if you want a little bit of direction.
  4. Vulnerability
    • There’s nothing wrong with being human, that doesn’t mean I’m saying go up to the girl of your dreams or the next cutest girl you ever see and just professing your love to her. By that what I mean is you let a girl know something personal about yourself after she’s shared something personal with you. You talk about the things you’re passionate about, your fears, your anxieties, and what you believe you’re imperfections are. But the most important part is that you acknowledge it, accept it, and work through it.
  5. Sexual Confidence
    • I’m not implying that you go get penis enlargement surgery, buy a pump, or wear magnum sized condoms. True sexual confidence has nothing to do with size, moves, and notches under your belt. It’s the ability to read her emotional states, her body, the sound of her breathing, and acting on that sexual tension. It’s letting her know and showing her through your body that you’re into her and that you’re not afraid to be a man which is something a lot of men have lost sight of. It’s a quiet confidence and to be honest the only way to really build it is through experience, being present with her, and connecting with her on both a physical and emotional level. Don’t go around and act like your 13 year old self and brag about the sex you had with her, a real and secure man doesn’t have to let the world know of it, it’s between you and her.

Building that sex appeal and seducing her through your presence is a skill and mindset that takes time to learn. The most important part is to keep working at it, on yourself, and improving based on the experiences on your journey.

Take care for now, we’re always here for you guys!

 

-Rob Virges

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Rob Virges

Rob Virges

Hello I'm Rob and welcome to our website! I am a Craft of Charisma Senior Dating Coach & here's a little bit about myself: In the last few years I've been coaching men in the art of connecting and finding love, I can tell you I've been called "an asshole with a heart". Just like other men who've been trying to figure out the dating game, I used to be a really socially awkward and an angsty person. I'm a former Dating Mastery Program alumni and apprentice whose been coaching for Craft of Charisma for the last four years. These days I'm confident, brutally honest, and pretty quirky. I'm not a creepy pickup artist. I'm a normal guy whose pretty good & comfortable with women. My job is simple, to motivate you, to help you become the best version of yourself, find love, and help you end your loneliness. But anyways welcome to Craft of Charisma, The #1 company for teaching people to connect, to love, and to nurture healthy relationships that last a lifetime. Let us know how we can help you! -Rob Virges

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