• John
    Moderator
    #3876

    During my last post, I talked about how I can get better on dates. I’ve noticed that I’ve corrected the things I need to, and my dates have been a lot more successful. I noticed the issue was more about shaking off rust than anything else, since I recently dated someone.

    Anyways, several weeks ago, I posted about dating cuter girls, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since then. I know a lot of this comes down to how attracted a girl is to me or how comfortable she is with me. I think the main issue from my side is that I treat girls who I am extremely attracted to differently than girls who I am moderately attracted to. I know exactly what to do on dates or during conversations with girls, however when I do these things with a girl that I am extremely attracted to, it seems like I don’t treat them the same way as a girl who I’m moderately attracted to. I don’t have the same range of emotions. I joke with them less, if at all. I don’t progress situations the way I should. I am very afraid of taking risks. I let them control conversations. I invest a lot more in conversations, when I should be having them invest more in conversations. I talk very fast and am very quick to answer any questions they have (I normally talk slowly with a relaxed vibe). I am normally very helpful to people, but I get the feeling that I am overly helpful to girls I am really attracted to.

    I think this boils down to my mindset about these kinds of girls. I put them on a pedestal, and that’s exactly what I sub-communicate to them. In a way deep down inside, I don’t believe I deserve these girls, so worship them. I am a pretty likeable guy. If I treated them the same way I do other girls who I am moderately attracted to, I know some of them would like me. I think fear of rejection also plays a role here. I never really thought fear of rejection was much of an issue for me, but I am beginning to notice that I take rejection harder from those girls that I “worship.”

    For me, this is the first step in the process: to identify what my issue is. I know this problem is pretty basic and probably affects many guys, but for a very long time I didn’t really notice the issue at hand. For a while, my dating life has been fairly good, but I have not been very excited by it because I don’t think I’ve dated a girl that I’m crazy about in a while. Now that I’ve identified it, I think I need to come up with a mindset where I make myself believe that I deserve these girls, but in a way that convinces me at my very core. For me, it’s usually as simple as writing out “why are these kinds of girls any different than any other kinds of girls?” and answering the question at length and reading my answer over and over. I think I also need to put myself in situations with girls that I’m extremely attracted to because that would obviously help me get over any mental hurdle I’m having and also help me learn more about my issue in a trial by error kind of way.

    I guess I know what I need to work on in the coming months and hope to come back with plenty of progress and many more questions ☺.

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