• Evan
    Participant
    #3841

    The past 2 weeks, in addition to being somewhat overwhelmed with work, I’ve been pushing forward on the outcome based approach that I outlined in my last post. It’s going well. Something that I didn’t expect totally is that it’s had a really positive effect on my day to day mood which in turn is moving things forward. I’ve mostly been active in moving forward in two ways.

    The first is in online dating. I refurbished my okcupid profile, downloaded bumble, and put new pictures up on tinder. I then sent out about 10 messages on okcupid, and swiped furiously on the other 2 apps. Although, my success rate is fairly low on these, it is higher than zero (and for girls i’d actually be down to go out with). I had my first date from it a week ago on tuesday with a girl I found fairly attractive. Similar to Jon’s post, I kept it to conversation and sort of failed to push things forward. I felt like we didn’t really hit things off. The experience made me think about the importance of location and taking risks in dates. I didn’t really take any risks. I also picked a bar I had only once been to before and didn’t really have a solid plan for where to move things from there. Still was good to get the date in. Through bumble, I have another date set up for Sunday where I’ve picked a bar that is a bit more conducive to moving around in and will think of another spot to go to from there.

    The second strategy has involved taking more risks in my i guess my ‘broadly extended’ social circle. So, girls that i’m not really friends with, but have run into on a regular basis and maybe exchanged some small talk. Here, I’ve largely been using a mix of facebook and email to make up for failing to pull the trigger in person. This isn’t as good, but at least i’m taking the risk and moving things forward. One girl I ran into while picking up breakfast on my way to work. We had taken a class together a year ago although never really talked, we wound up leaving the breakfast place at the same time, walking next to each other. I had always found her attractive, but I was pretty zoned out as I was just starting my day, so I was pretty awkward. When I got to my office I realized that I had missed an opportunity, and in the spirit of being all about outcomes, results and deciding i had nothing to lose, I decided to send her a facebook message (we were incidentally already friends there as i tend to friend most people i meet). I wrote something simple like ‘it was cool running into you today. i was wondering what you’ve been working on’. She gave a brief answer two days later. I replied that it sounded interesting and asked if she would want to get coffee sometime to talk about it. She was down and we agreed to pick a time for next week. So, it’s not perfect – and the meeting setup might have the framing going into it of talking about work/school – but at least the conversation will keep going and I’ll have the opportunity to become friends and then see if things move forward.

    Another date I set up in a fairly similar way. This was with a girl who who also works at the university. I met her at a university event about 6 weeks ago. We actually hit it off really well, talked for a while, but I found out she had a boyfriend and didn’t ask for her number or push things further. That was pretty dumb as I was talking to a mutual friend this last weekend and learned both that she had broken up with her boyfriend and also that she had brought me up in their conversation. I decided next time I saw her I would push things forward. That actually happened on monday – but I wasn’t really in an outgoing mindset when I ran into her. Still I spoke for a bit about the weekend – found out that she was into chinese food and said I’ve always wanted to do dim sum. I said we should do that ‘sometime’, and she seemed receptive – since this was sort of while we were both doing other things though, I left it at that and went back to my office, failing to either make specific plans or get a phone number… fail. So, i pulled the internet move again – got her email from a friend and emailed her asking if she wanted to actually do this weekend – she said she was out of town this weekend but would like to go next week. I then got her phone number and have been texting a bit.

    So – there it is – internet has bailed me out of 2 in person failures. Obviously, this was only possible because the the loose connection I already had to the two of them and it would be way better to get contact info in person. Need to be on my game more during in game activities. Nonetheless, things are moving forward.

    Nothing to post on infieldness this week since i haven’t done that in a while – so, here’s to going out this weekend.

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