Rob VirgesModeratorJuly 13, 2015 at 8:26 pm #3698
Every now and then I always think back to the three questions I always ask myself since taking the Dating Mastery Program and when I take on a new objective and goal. “Where am I at right now? What do I want? and What would be the steps I would need to take to get there?” To this month it’s been exactly two years since I’ve taken the Dating Mastery Program and what can I say about my development since taking the program. The only word I could use to accurately describe my experiences since taking the program is “non-linear”. If there’s one thing I’ve learned after the last two years of trying to overcome all my past dating slumps and reaching new personal milestones is that this long arduous process is very non-linear. Most conventional dating advice will tell you if you do X,Y, and Z for this period of time then all your dating problems will be solved.
But, the reality of it is just like life, getting good at dating is a lot of times completely unpredictable. There are some weeks where you’re consistent about most things seem to be falling into place and then something completely unpredictable happens. You get sick, you lose your job, find a new job that has you working 80+ hours a week, you find out you have to move within an x amount of time, or maybe you get into a serious relationship and that what was originally your time for you to go out and practice turns into time for you and your girlfriend. 6-8 Months go by and you’re suddenly back on the dating market because it didn’t work out with your girlfriend. Just like anything in life that isn’t used for a long period of time especially skill, it deteriorates and you end up regressing back to square one. You feel needy, pretty rusty, and hesitant to get back out there into the ocean of the dating world.
What felt like a puddle before now suddenly feels like an ocean where your drowning and all the women you want to approach suddenly feel like a set of intimidating sharks ready to pounce on your vulnerability like blood. Now, I’m sure a lot of you can relate to this and from what I’ve learned about myself and the numerous amounts of people I’ve gone out with in the last 2 years is that, life gets in the way and for whatever reason, regression happens. So to end my rambling for a moment what exactly is the goal of this new forum? Accountability and support. When setting a new goal or just getting back into something, from my experience I’ve learned that goals can be accomplished in half the time when you have both a support system of people encouraging you to continue forward when you’re ready to give up. With that support system naturally comes accountability, it helps when you have people who have similar goals and who maybe have gone through a similar experience hold you accountable to your goals.
To officially inaugurate this forum, I’ll tell you exactly where I am at, what are my goals that I want to accomplish for this summer, and the steps I’m currently taking to get there. When my chaotic Spring semester ended about almost 2 months ago besides sleep the only thing I had on my mind was getting back onto the saddle and completely taking a 180 in terms of my personal development and dating life. It was a chaotic 15 week semester filled with nothing but stress and unhealthy weight loss. I wasn’t in a good state as the only thing I ironically had on my mind since the semester ended was exams and work. But, I knew since a new summer was upon me I had a list of demands that I personally needed to fulfill.
To cope with the stress of school and to give my mind a break from the workload and after getting some motivation and insight from reading Models by Mark Manson and getting stood up by a girl that I really was looking forward to going out on a date on, I realized that it was time to completely overhaul a lot of things and get specific about what I exactly wanted out of life. With that motivation I created a specific action plan geared towards meeting my specific dating goals and personal development. I dubbed the list and this summer “Winning Time”. I got the idea from when I was watching a documentary about Michael Jordan on ESPN a couple of months ago. Besides learning about the psychology of what makes the greatest basketball player alive tick and stay motivated. The questioned was asked what made MJ the greatest? Simply because he always had something left at the finish line and the great Magic Johnson referred to it as winning time.
The chaos of the spring semester had me neglect multiple things in my life, ranging from basic things that I usually engage in like getting regular exercise, eating regularly, getting sleep, my regular hobbies, and lastly my dating skill set. I had completely regressed this past semester. A combination of work, school, and getting out of a very short lived relationship has made me reassess what I wanted out of life, what I value, and the type of women I’m genuinely attracted to. Since starting this journey two years ago I felt as if I had hit a plateau in my dating life. I subscribed to the general idea that most people who get into learning courtship fall into that if you go out enough and just keep mindlessly approaching women that eventually everything will calibrate and fall into place.
I had subscribed to a dating style that’s very common in the dating and pickup world and that involves being very direct and upfront with every girl you’re attracted to. After numerous and countless amounts of embarrassing rejections you’d think maybe I’d be where I want to be and content with my results. To be honest even though I’ve desensitized myself to rejection I felt like I’ve hit a plateau in terms of meeting women. I can approach but, I’ve come to realize it’s not a very efficient or sustainable style of dating. Which goes back to my number one goal on my “Winning Time” list. I want to date the women I’m genuinely attracted to. I’m fed up with settling and going out with women that I’m not even actually interested in. I realize there is nothing wrong with getting specific and tactical about your specific dating demographics. Just like the thought web you utilize in school to brainstorm an idea I utilized the thought web to narrow down the type of women I’m attracted to. For example classy and fashionable, fit and athletic, ambitious, caring, and intelligence which in turn evolved into locations where I would find these type of women ranging from the gym, yoga classes, startup events, fashion shows, your local whole foods, and etc.
Since I had narrowed down my dating demographics I also made a list on the new skill set I needed to develop to attract these type of women. After 2 years of doing all this stuff, I’ve already got the basics down ranging from body language, grooming, basic fashion, tonality, efficient language, being animated, and humor. I realize that I wanted to fully incorporate the compass as my basic framework for getting for efficient and skilled at courtship. After digging up and organizing all the notes I have accumulated from my mastery class to helping Chris coach the mastery classes that followed I have been drawing out the compass and all it’s steps every single day since the beginning of the summer. My goal is to not only memorize it by heart but to completely internalize it conceptually and apply it as much as possible in live in-field situations.
Besides that I’ve set myself to improving my EQ, besides reading Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman and applying some of the advice, I have been regularly observing my own emotional states and have been communicating more transparently with all my friends and family. Lately, I’ve become more aware of how women react when I communicate with them ranging down to the basic non-verbal cues and the context of what they say. To simplify it instead of what I normally would do in the past like forcing the interaction and completely ignoring how uncomfortable the girl feels now, I’m able to readjust myself based on how the girl is reacting to me. I’ve also realized that if I want to take it to the next level, I’m going to have to improve my overall attractiveness/sex appeal. Since the summer started I have been dieting and working out like a maniac. I have been grooming myself better, and I started overhauling my wardrobe to improve my fashion and regularly reading GQ and fashion manuals like the Kinowear bible.
Lastly, I didn’t want to neglect the importance of developing hobbies. For the longest time I have been putting off taking improv classes because of random circumstances like school, money, and lack of time. I just recently started my 6 week improv course here in New Jersey and by far it has been the best investment I’ve made since the Dating Mastery Program. It has become a form a cross training for my dating skill set. Learning the art of spontaneity it has completely gotten me out of my head and away from over-analyzing situations which I normally would solve by doing non-stop approaches. If anything it totally beats having to do the grunt work of warming up when going out and I find myself connecting humorously with not only my improv peers but all my friends, family, and random strangers. I’ve decided that after the course finishes up, I’m gonna continue it as a regular hobby and join an improv troupe.
Despite the summer being halfway through, I spent the first month and a half slowly getting back into it and developing all those other things I have mentioned in the last couple paragraphs. I’m still shaking off the rust but, I feel grounded and optimistic to continue forward. With completely overhauling my game I’ve also decided to transition to a more subtle, emotionally intelligent, tactical, and indirect approach just like the style we’re taught in class. My current challenge right now is to Daygame twice a week with my friend and designated wingman from the class, Evan. We’ve both decided that we want to get on a consistent schedule that sounds both reasonable instead of overwhelming. Our primary focus for the remaining 8 weeks of the summer is to focus on 4 specific openers ranging from Functional Openers like asking a girl for directions or the time and then transitioning into a conversation, Observational Openers, Opinion Openers, and Humor. Each week I be regularly journaling and writing field reports about my practice and holding Evan accountable to this challenge as he will also be journaling his approaches and holding me accountable to this challenge. I will be incorporating a plus 1 approach each week as we both progress through this challenge, the goal is to work up to 10 cold approaches in 1 day 2 times a week while obtaining quality and a consistent progression.
Stay tuned for the next post.
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