IsaacParticipantMay 16, 2015 at 11:58 pm #3603
We were out at MOMA PS1. I was walking around with Steven. At first, when we got there, I was thinking that this was going to be a breeze. I was still feeling pretty stoked from the vibe in the classroom and was feeling loud, positive and confident; but when I saw a girl that I could walk up to, the feelings faded and I felt that overpowering approach anxiety that I’ve always dealt with.
Steven and I walked around a bit. Steven approached a few girls, but I was having a harder time. After some time, I told Steven that I wanted to try walking around on my own, to see if it might be easier for me that way. I walked around through some of the art exhibits on the 2nd and 3rd floors. Over the next few hours, I mingled and spoke to at least 5 different girls. 2 of the conversations, were with attractive girls – and conversation that lasted more than a couple of minutes. In both cases I started by mentioning the art we were looking at.
At about closing time, I met up with Matt near the entrance and he pushed me to approach a group of 3 girls that were sitting on a bench outside. I went over and asked them how their night was going and made some small talk. It was a bit awkward, but I was able to sustain it. After about a minute, Matt came over and started speaking to one of the girls, while I kept on speaking to the other two. While speaking, they moved over on the bench and made room for me to sit between them. In talking, I mentioned how I was really at the event to socialize and meet people, but that this was super difficult and super awkward. They laughed and agreed. As we were leaving, one of the girls asked that I friend her on Facebook. I did and we left and hugged and said good bye.
Out on the sidewalk, Matt and I bumped into a couple of girls who were standing around. We made small talk for a while and it was going pretty well. At some point, I suggested that we all go to a bar together and get drinks. At first they hesitated, but Matt and I insisted and they agreed. I called an Uber and within a couple of minutes, we were in a car heading to a bar in Williamsburg. At the bar, I got drinks for all of four of us. I started dancing with one of the girls while Matt was talking to the other. After some time, Matt decided to head home.
For the next couple of hours, we danced and drank, and were having a great time. At some point, the second girl left. Approaching 4AM, the bar was getting ready to close and I asked her if she would come back with me to my place. She answered ‘I’m not going back to anybody’s place’. She then suggested that we continue at another Bar. When we got to the next bar, it was already closed. We were within walking distance of my apartment, and it was very late, so I suggested that she could sleep at my place and that I wouldn’t push her to do anything.. She agreed and came over. We went to bed together.
Throughout the time that I was with this girl, Vanessa, I was continuuosly escalating. A few times during the night, I got some push back from her and backed off. When we were in the car together, I put my arm around her and she took it off. The first time I tried to kiss her, she didn’t kiss back. When we started dancing, she said that she wanted space. But each time, after backing off, she came back and even passed what I had been doing. This pattern played out all the way until the end.
I don’t have a lot of experience with Sex, but it seems that for me at least, dance is generally a pretty big part of it. I could get into writing about the reasons why that’s the case, but for now I’m just going to note the pattern.
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