How to Overcome Approach Anxiety (Part II)
By Rob Virges
“Hey Rob, well I understand that having a good mindset is primary when it comes to overcoming my fear of approaching women but how do I refine the technical part.”
If you haven’t read part one of this two part series, please go back to the home page, open the link, and read “How to Overcome Approach Anxiety (Part I)”. If you did that, have made an active effort to stop with your self limiting beliefs about approaching women that you’re attracted to, and have incorporated some of the new “hard truths” that I talked about in Part 1 of this series to your new mindset then please feel free to read on.
To recap, In a nutshell, a lot of that anxiety you feel when it comes to approaching a girl you like or are attracted to is a natural feeling and something you should’t beat yourself up over. It happens to everybody at some point in their life and it’s a completely normal feeling to have. Approach Anxiety is rooted in our natural biology and is meant to be a defense mechanism to protect ourselves from threats. While the threats aren’t physical, our brains can’t distinguish between a physical and psychological threat. Point is, a threat is a threat. A lot of approach anxiety is rooted in trying to protect ourselves from the emotional threat of rejection and social embarrassment.
Approach anxiety is an irrational fear of approaching women you psychologically deem as too attractive for you. As I have said in the previous article, “Knowledge is nothing without the practical application and consistent practice.” Since I went over a lot of the causes and how to mentally re-align yourself by providing you with new “hard truths” and debunking some common myths that men deal with when it comes to talking to attractive women, in this article I will go over tactics and drills you can apply to effectively manage yourself and overcome the hurdle of approach anxiety.
Now before I get into the specifics and tactics you can do to overcome it, I want to lay out disclaimers that a lot of men seem to have a hard time believing. While I did say approach anxiety is completely normal, its a also completely irrational and it’s important to become mindful of that 1st and foremost.
Some More Hard Truths:
- IT WILL NEVER COMPLETELY GO AWAY.
- I have been coaching for the last 4 years and have been around the best dating experts and minds in this industry, I’ve been actively going out for the last 5 years to add on to that. While I may have a lot of experience in the dating game, I still feel that hesitation and anxiety every now and then when I go out or meet that special someone. What I will tell you though is you GET BETTER MANAGING IT OVER TIME as you gain more positive experiences and the ability to cope with and re-frame the negative experiences. I still get the butterflies every now and then when I’m out in field actively approaching sets, the only difference is now I know how to manage my emotions, think rationally, and not let myself get paralyzed by that built in evolutionary feel.
- There are no shortcuts, special tricks, or quick fixes
- Rejection hurts and it sucks, but that’s why I dedicated an entire article on cultivating your new mindset, beliefs, and building your inner self confidence. It’s inevitable and something I think every man has to go through in their lifetime to effectively get what they want whether it’d be career, relationships, wealth, and health. So understand, like a pro basketball player, you’re not going to hit your shots every night, you will fail, you will fuck up, and you will miss. It’s important to understand that most of your emotional, psychological, and personal growth happens during hard times so toughen up, man up, and take it one approach at a time. Don’t take it personally, a drill I used to apply and something I make my clients do is to keep score of everytime they got blown out and crash and burned. The one with the highest score gets a free beer, the point of the drill is to help them develop a tolerance and desensitize themselves from rejection. Before you can get good at any of the other skills we teach them its important to be able to have the ability to bounce back from setbacks and not take rejection so seriously. Remember each NO is building you up to that glorious YES!
- A lot of your assumptions about the girl you’re making excuses not to approach is 99.9% Bullshit
- If you haven’t read part 1, please go back and hammer those hard truth mindsets in your soul!
Now onto the fun stuff. In the beginning if you’re getting consistently paralyzed by approach anxiety then I’d recommend ONLY doing this if you’re a beginner or have been out of the dating game for a while. I’m not training you to be socially unaware, so PLEASE once you overcome your approach anxiety just be your normal self and don’t do weird shit, use your common sense. These drills are meant to be fun and to gamify the process of overcoming your paralyzing approach anxiety.
- Hit & Run 50
- This drill is for guys who’ve never cold approached a girl in their life and are complete beginners, if you’ve been doing this for a while then you can use this as a warmup to get yourself into a talky and social mood. The game is very simple. Just say Hi to 50 strangers and introduce yourself. There are plenty of fun variations of this but the drill is simple. Walk up to a girl, introduce yourself, get her name, shake her hand, and walk away. You don’t need to worry about getting into a conversation, eliciting any attraction, or navigating your’s and her emotions. Just simply get into a social mood and into a habit of approaching strangers. Once you’ve approached 50 strangers then you can call it a night. (Note: Most guys never get to 50, after the 5-10th approach they’ve already found a receptive girl, manage to have a conversation, and in some cases secure a date.)
- Crash & Burn
- This is meant for guys who have a moderate amount of experience and have trouble approaching girls that they deem to attractive for them. Once you enter a venue, you approach the most attractive girl in the venue, open her with whatever you can think of off the top of your head (use your environment) (could be a cheesy pickup line or something about yourself that your embarrassed about) and transition into a normal conversation. If you do get rejected, the rest of the night should be easy. You did the hardest approach, it can’t get any worse that that if you get blown out!
- This drill is something I used to play with one of my wingmen. It’s relatively pretty simple (I don’t recommend this if you have a gambling problem) you set a certain wager and an amount of approaches for the night. If you hit that number or go past it before your wingman, then you win the prize. It could be a bet, a favor, a drink, a dare, a steak dinner (you’re free to pick the wager at your discretion)
At the end of the day, there really is no secrets or any shortcuts for overcoming approach anxiety, it’s just a matter of acknowledging your attraction towards a girl, being okay with resistance and rejection, and being proactive by taking the initiative to approach the girl you’re attracted to. You’re going to make mistakes here and there but it’s okay. Failure is okay, You can’t learn or appreciate winning without losing 1st. So get out there, put yourself out there, and take charge of your love life!
‘Til next time….Take care for now, we’re always here for you guys!
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