-By Rob Virges
Student: “I don’t know what it is Rob, I love going out and just love the thrill of meeting women but, I don’t know what happens, I just hate it when you take us out to the bars and clubs, I just completely shut down.”
Rob: “Welcome to NYC, just like Vegas if you let it get to you, the house always wins, that’s why I’m here…to teach you how to win and push your ass!”
I’m going to paint a little picture for you of what your typical Friday or Saturday night out with the bros might be like. It’s 7:00 on a Saturday night and you’re sitting on your couch contemplating on whether or not you should stay in tonight. You pop open a beer and kick your feet up on your coffee table to either catch up on your Netflix shows or put on your Xbox to play some long awaited Madden when suddenly from across the room where your phone is charging, a loud vibration goes off. In your mind and heart you know that it’s your best friend on the other end ready to sell you on an epic night out with the bros, tons of booze, awesome club tunes, and most of all the icing on the cake…meeting beautiful women.
You’ve recently just got out of a long relationship with your girlfriend of 2 years and the last thing you want to do is to go out with the guys and try your luck at finding love, having some fun, and a little something to help you forget about your ex. You walk over, check your phone and see a few missed calls and multiple unread iMessages, a voice mail, a bunch of notifications from group me. Deep down inside you’d had hoped it was your ex trying to reach out to you and see if you were down for a night to rekindle an old flame. You pick up your phone and see that it wasn’t your ex begging for you, rather it’s your best friend who may come off as an obnoxious jackass but at the heart of it all means well and like Vince Vaughn’s character in the iconic film Swingers would love nothing more than to get you out of the house for the night, get your mind off your ex, and to have some fun with him and the bros.
You relent and decide to prepare for the night, this time as a single man ready to mingle. You call your best friend and tell him to come over with a few handles of whiskey and the crew at 10:00. For a moment, as nerve racking as going out may be you hop into the shower, amp yourself up, get a clean shave on, pop the deodorant on, trim the nose hairs and the hair in between your eyebrows, pop open your medicine cabinet and grab the good ol’ Aqua Di Gio cologne and spray it behind your neck, ears, armpits, across your chest, and a little down below on good ol’ Big Ben.
As you’ve got some good hype up music playing in the background on your soundbar to get you into a good state, you open your closet, pull out a freshly ironed button down, a pair of fitted jeans, a pair of low cut boots, and a belt. You pop on your club attire, put some product into your hair, and style it into place. Just as you pop out of the bathroom, the doorbell rings. You look at the clock and realize it’s already 10. Just as expected it’s your best friend and the bros with a few handles of Jack and some soda to chase it down. They compliment you on your style, you guys high five, hug, and fist bump as you pull out the ceremonial shot glasses.
One shot, two shot, three, and four and all of a sudden your legs feel a little lighter, you’re feeling a little less ancy, and after about 45 mins of doing the ceremonial pre-game, you hail an Uber to usher you and the crew to where all the action is at. After another half an hour swerving through traffic, hearing the bros talking about the amount of pretty girls that are gonna be in the club tonight, and all the tactics and strategies of what to do when one of you guys score, your buzz starts to wear off and you feel this pit of anxiety being back out in the field as a single man.
It’s finally midnight, the peak of the night and the Uber finally pulls up to the club ready for a night of unadulterated fun. As you get out of the black Toyota Camry you all squeezed into, you notice troves of people walking around and towards the long line to get into the venue. Left and right from the sounds of stilettos and wedges hitting the concrete, the smell of the city streets with tinges of perfume and various colognes, cigarette butts on the ground, a velvet rope to keep the line in order, a few 6 foot something 300+lbs gatekeepers surrounding the doorway, and the loud dialogue in the background consisting of verbalized emojis, lols, and gossip.
Just being outside is already quite overwhelming for you but you hop on the line anyway. After another half an hour on the line watching people come in and out of the venue from drunk stumbles, to loud singing, and your occasional 911 call, you finally make it to the front with your crew, just being on the line sucked the energy and excitement out of you. Just as the bouncer was about to make you pay a cover charge and for bottle service, your best friend manages to befriend and persuade the large gatekeeper from ending your night early and getting you into the venue both cover charge and bottle service free.
You make it into the club and it’s 3 floors of sensory chaos. It’s dark, with the DJ playing remixed versions of the top 40 hits, girls are bumping and grinding, and guys are on the dance floor trying to dance as if they were peacocks trying to spread their feathers to attract the right mate. It’s shoulder to shoulder and your crisp button down is already drenched in sweat and a few tinges of people’s drinks from when they bumped into you as you were walking towards the bar. You and the boys struggled to make it through the wave of big hair, Jimmy Choo heels hitting your toes, and male crotch unintentionally hitting your backside as you struggled to make it through the dance floor.
You make it to the bar and instead of looking and feeling as fresh as you did when you got out of the shower, you feel like you just went to a New York Jets tryout for the running back position considering the amount of people you plowed through to get your next dose of liquid courage. You and the guys slam back a few more drinks, the guys in your crew who were bragging about talking to women on the car ride over and making plans suddenly become on-lookers and hawkers on the corner clenching their beer in front of their chests. Your best friend disappears into the dance floor to try his luck, and you’re suddenly faced with the option of trying to figure out who to talk to considering how loud the music is.
An hour goes by, nothing. Two, nothing, and suddenly last call comes along. As the troves of people slowly disperse out of the venue and all your friends disappear, you suddenly realize and ask yourself why the hell did you decide to go out in the first place when you could of been on your couch catching up on your shows and drinking for free. You try your luck again and every girl you come across is either drunk, standoffish, or coldly blows you off assuming you’re going to hit on them even though you’re just trying to find your friends at this point in the night and also alleviate your loneliness.
You look at your phone, check the group chat. It turns out a few of them left for another bar, one ended up getting kicked out, another got plastered enough and ended up passing out behind one of the tables in the VIP section, and your best friend and partner in crime managed to find someone, head back to her place, and close the deal. He sends you a picture of her and him and you see that she’s a little on the heavier side. It’s now 4am, you leave the club, grab a slice of pizza by yourself, hop in the nearest cab, and you enter your apartment with the scent of the night still lingering in the air. You clean up a little bit, slip out of your clothes, and just decide to pass out in your underwear thus wondering again what the point of the night was. You think about your friends, you think about your ex one more time, and as you hear the birds chirping and the feint darkness turn into a lighter tint, you fall asleep as the sun comes up to start the new day…..
I didn’t mean to make that story sound depressing but my job isn’t to paint sunshine and rainbows for you. For a lot of men new and also experienced in the dating game, one of the biggest questions I get is how to successfully navigate the nightlife, I.E. how to meet women in both the bars and the clubs. The scenario I just painted out for you might be a common occurrence, maybe even something you yourself could relate to. Learning how to successfully navigate a bar and a club is incredibly difficult. For most guys, ranging from your average Joe to even your handsome magazine cover model face the fear on a regular basis. It’s high pressure and can often feel like a life or death situation, well…the only thing that’s really at stake is the male ego and pride. After going out and coaching in one of the most difficult nightlife cities in the world, like I always tell my students, “The house always wins, that is until you put your pride aside and not do what 99.9% of men do when they go out to a bar or a club.”
Before I get into the phases of the night, what you need to do, and what you should be doing I’m going to start off with the “why” first.
Why it’s so hard to meet women in bars:
Men are both fascinated and scared of going out and trying to talk to the dressed up bombshells they see in the clubs and the bar. Despite the fact that the majority of men don’t meet anyone during a typical night out at the bar or a club, the hope and desire to meet and pickup someone while having a drink or on the dance floor is very appealing. Bars are consistently one of the most challenging places to meet and connect with women for a few major reasons:
- Women are very perceptive. They are aware of the fact that as a stranger one of the reasons you’re interacting with them is to try and pick them up. It’s really hard to think of a legitimate thing to say to a woman in order to open up and have a natural conversation. Women are usually out with their friends to have a night of fun. She knows exactly why you’re coming up and talking to her which makes it discouraging for most men. It’s much easier to start and have organic conversations with women just about anywhere else from grocery stores, public transportation, the mall, bookstores, coffee shops, and etc. because you will always have something relevant and congruent to point out and ask.
- The bars are intimidating, there’s a reason why men drink so much and that is to become unaware of the fact that they feel intimidated approaching and interacting with women in bars and clubs. Your confidence level at a bar might be lower than any other environment because of the mere fact that you’re just hanging out there and not really doing anything else. When you talk to a girl in a normal day to day situation such as picking up your dry cleaning for example or being in a bookstore, you always have a legitimate excuse to be there such as picking up your dry cleaning or buying a book. It’s much easier and low pressure to open up a girl in a normal day to day interaction compared to the bar where a girl, especially if she’s attractive has her guard up and has equally intimidating friends surrounding her.
- Although nightclubs and bars sell alcohol, the real commodity these venues sell is “sex” and “social status”. Because of this phenomenon, these venues are mostly catered towards men, the gender ratio in most bars and nightclubs are pretty skewed, 9 times out of 10 it’s usually a ratio of 40% men to 60% women. It’s one of the only businesses in the world where they can refuse entry based on what you look like and how you’re dressed. A few things to keep in mind, a few variables come into play in a night club that make it difficult to meet and connect with women:
- Music & Lighting:
- Affect you at the sensory level, through your sight and hearing
- Drugs & Alcohol
- Affects your perception and how you’re perceiving the night and your short-term memory. Dis-inhibition occurs from the alcohol and depending on what type and if you do decide to take any drugs, along with alcohol makes people more outgoing and louder. Alcohol removes these top level cognitive processes and hardwired traits that are meant to keep us safe from threats and harm. Traits like etiquette for example. Our natural biology takes over once this is removed. Our primitive drives are exposed from food, water, sex, and aggression. With alcohol and less of these social norms holding us back, its more or less exposing these biologically primitive drives from our brain. Hence, there’s a reason why there’s always food served at a bar or why there are so many fast food joints and pizzerias near a club or a bar, the last thing you’d want after a night of drinking and some bumping and grinding is a salad. Along with sex, most men and women are out for a night to meet, connect, and procreate, and lastly, aggression. If you’ve gone out after 2 am or even before that there’s one thing that’s consistent or always happen are fights breaking out near the bars and the clubs or outside of them.
- Sex & Social Status
- Which are the commodities that are sold at these venues. A whole different set of social rules come into play once you enter one of these venues which make it difficult to hook conversations with the girls you’re attracted to or any girl that you might come across in a night club or bar environment.
- Music & Lighting:
How to Navigate the Nightlife:
With the “why’s” out of the way, always remember this analogy. The bars and the clubs are a lot like casinos, they’re designed for one purpose and one purpose only…”making money.” It’s a business first and foremost, and it’s a cognitive nightmare for both sexes, hence you’re already at a natural disadvantage because a few of your senses and the girl you’re trying to interact with are gone. Bars and clubs are loud, which take away your ability to hear your friends or a girl you’ve just met and are trying to converse with, its dark which makes it difficult for you because women can’t see what you look like which makes them put their guards up even more, and it’s distracting. Think of a casino for example and why you lose so much money, one of the biggest things is the loud noise, the lights, the colors, the sounds of the slot machines constantly going, the free drinks, and constant chatter. It’s all meant to distract you as the gambler because the casino’s job is to keep the cash coming out of your pockets and into the casino to keep the lights on and the business going. It’s meant to cognitively overload your senses so you’re not making sound and rational decisions. Now don’t get me wrong, this post is not meant to bash on the nightlife or is a treatise on being anti-nightlife, in actuality even though I’ve calmed down significantly from my wild college days I still enjoy the nightlife and going out to bars and clubs for some fun with friends and coaching men in the art of finding love. For most men on the other hand it’s a burden going out so as I always say take this advice piece by piece, the nightlife can be pretty unpredictable and is not always the same everytime you go out or are in a new major city. What I will tell you is that over time you will notice patterns that are consistent. Think of this as a compass or a little map you can refer to everytime you get stuck or feel frustrated when you’re going out.
At this point I’m going to assume that you groom yourself well, dress well, feel comfortable in your clothes, and that your body and breath smell good. If not, once again please go make an active effort to package and clean yourself up. I’m not a fashion guru but these little things count especially if you’re going out to a club or a bar. Remember, women put in tons of preparation to look good when they’re going out. Think about the hours and even days put into getting their hair done, taking hours to put on layers of makeup, picking the right outfit, and finding the right shoes ranging from uncomfortable heels, wedges, and stilettos. My point is, take some time to groom yourself. I’m not saying go out and dress like a GQ cover model but if that is your style by all means. Wear clothes that fit, that are comfortable and breathe well, pluck your nose hairs and mono brow out, trim your beard, get a haircut or if your balding keep it short, put on some deodorant, cologne, and most of all make sure your breath does not smell like ass. Besides brushing your teeth, always carry a pack of gum or breath mints, my job is to make sure you’re prepared for any situation and that you don’t come off like the bulk of the men out there trying to succeed at the dating game and constantly failing.
Step 1: Mindset & Energy
- Before ever going out whether its with your bros, friends, crew, or even by yourself it’s essential you get yourself into a good mindset before you ever get the night started. I’m not going to tell you to repeat any positive psychology mumbo jumbo or do any type of positive visualization before going out however, if that gets you into a good mood or gets you in a positive frame of mind then by all means, do whatever works for you. First and foremost, you need to remind yourself that no matter what happens, you’re going to have a good time, have fun, and enjoy the night. Oftentimes men psyche themselves out and turn a night of going out into a pre-fight or pre-game ritual, kind of like what you see professional athletes do before the game even starts. Like I said, this isn’t the Super Bowl, really remind yourself your primary purpose before ever going out is to enjoy the night and to have fun. A few things I’ve always recommended to my students and even something I always do to help me relax, get in a fun and silly mood is:
- Watch something funny, doesn’t matter what it is. My personal vice is watching Dave Chappelle’s stand-up and even old episodes of Chappelle’s Show to get me laughing. Laughter is contagious and once you start going you’re already in a good, relaxed, and easygoing mood. I always find myself turning everything into a joke or getting everyone to laugh around me because I’m already self-amused from watching an hour of stand up comedy.
- Start singing along to all the top hits. Music whether it’s the top hits they play in the club, old school hip hop, or whatever your preference is brings out good vibes and good emotions. There’s a reason why everyone in the bars and clubs sing along when the DJ puts the top hits on. Enter the Rockstar Effect, this is very important to keep in mind with any nightclub or any music for that matter. The Rockstar Effect is the release of oxytocin during singing. Oxytocin is a hormone that produces feelings of trust, morality, and love in humans, it’s released by both sexes during the act of sex. Hence, besides bars and clubs, there’s a reason why hundreds of thousands of people will go to music festivals, raves, and concerts because of this phenomenon. Music and emotions go hand in hand, and the key takeaway is here even if you’re in a bad mood at the bar or want a quick hack to get into a happy and easygoing mindset. Sing, go play and listen to a song from the top hits to get you into a good mood. As stupid as this sounds I used to do this a lot to amp up my energy and get me into a going out mood, I used to sing along to Shake it Off by Taylor Swift to get me in that frame of mind or even rap music like Work by A$AP Ferg for example. Point is, lighten up and use whatever you can to get you in a good frame of mind whether it’s music, comedy, or even hanging out with your friends and playing cards and getting a few drinks into your system (that doesn’t mean get drunk)
- Energy is an incredibly important thing and is one of your most valuable assets if you’re going out. Emotions are contagious and girls are out for a night of fun. Whether it’s your stereotypical “woo!” girl or your Average Jane, women are receptive to energy. So a few things to keep in mind, I’m not telling you to act like a coked out maniac like Scarface but it’s important you get a read on the venue you’re going into and a feel for the room or the group of girls you’re trying to interact with. A good rule of thumb is always to keep your energy level one notch above the group you’re trying to hook and once you hook you bring your energy level back down to theirs. So if it’s a wild and crazy group, you want to bring your energy up a little higher than their’s or even if it’s a laid back and somewhat energetic group, just one notch up from theirs not 20. Point is knowing how to manage your energy, creating it organically, and leveraging it to meet and connect with attractive women is a valuable asset. If you struggle with energy, I recommend taking a step back and doing the things I just recommended, start laughing, get into a self-amused state and watch some comedy or sing along to music that gets you in an uplifted and energetic mood.
Step 2: Get There Early & Build Your Momentum
- Like that old saying “The early bird catches the worm.” the same is true for efficiently making the most out of the nightlife. This rule is consistent in most major cities, but some cities like NYC for example usually start at 11 PM with the night peaking at around 2 AM, I’d recommend getting in an hour or half an hour early if you know when the venue starts picking up, each place is usually different but if you already know it’s a good venue and has a good girl to guy ratio I’d recommend dropping your anchor early and setting up shop. Others cities start earlier but my point is, the earlier you get into a venue, the better. This gives you a significant time to warm up and get into a social mood, befriend the club staff, and chatting up and befriending the first sets of people who get to the venue early. A few other perks sometimes include not having to pay for a cover charge or bottle service since your in so early. I like to take advantage of this time to build my momentum for the night and start befriending and being social with all the pretty girls that arrive early. The music isn’t too crazy yet & it’s still a lounge environment which gives you significant amount of time to take advantage of being able to hear and talk to whatever girl you’re attracted to. Another thing I’ve learned both from my years of going out and coaching in one of the toughest nightlife cities in the world, nine times out of ten, the first sets of girls are very attractive, befriending the first sets of girls entering the venue gives you the chance to develop that emotional equity and that connection, it’ll come in handy later on in the night when the waves of horny men enter the club. Because you’ve managed to develop a little bit of comfort, some attraction, and a little emotional equity early on and if you’ve won her friends over, once you bump into her later on in the night, she’ll have her guard down around you and will most likely try to keep you around to protect her and her girlfriends from the amount of horny guys that have been walking around in the venue, from that point on it’ll be a lot easier to escalate things and seal the deal with her.
Step 3: Be Social
- As I’ve mentioned before these venues sell sex and social status. Another advantage that comes with going out early it creates social proof or what I would like to call social leverage. This is more of a long-term strategy and it pays to know people and have a regular spot you can go into and consistently meet, attract, and connect with attractive women. Like I said before once you arrive early the first thing you want to do is get into a social attitude. Don’t do what 99.9% of guys do when they enter most nightlife venues whether it’s a bar, a lounge, or a club, DON’T STAND IN THE CORNER, CLENCH YOUR DRINK TO YOUR CHEST, AND JUST LOOK AT A GIRL! Etch that into your brain, better enough get it tattooed onto the back of your scalp so you remember that. Unless you’re Leonardo DiCaprio, women aren’t going to approach you 99.9% of the time. Don’t bullshit, stand around, and do nothing.
- By being social, talk to everyone. It always irks me to how people treat the club staff and never acknowledge them, maybe it’s from my years of working in the service industry that I can relate to these folk but DO NOT TREAT BOUNCERS, DJS, SECURITY, COCKTAIL WAITRESSES, SHOT GIRLS, BARTENDERS, AND ANY CLUB STAFF LIKE SHIT! They are the gatekeepers and it pays to have them as friends and as your social assets in the long-term. Ask the bouncer how their night is going, make small talk, tip them well, and remember their name. This goes for the bartender, cocktail waitresses, bottle service, shot girls, and hostesses. Also, I know they’re pretty but please avoid the urge for the next few months let alone the night to try and pick them up and sleep with them, remember you’re playing the long game and value counts if you want to know how to effectively navigate and succeed in the nightlife.
- Know that if it’s a loud dance club, don’t expect the staff or the bartender to chat you up unless you get there pretty early or befriend them outside of the club. Otherwise, if you do get there early and it’s still a loungey area, take the time to make small talk with the bartender and do what you just did with the bouncer. Befriend them, ask them how their night is going, tip them well, and call them by their first name.
- The key takeaway here, just like Las Vegas, New York City and any major nightlife city was built on handshakes. Pretty girls notice you talking to the staff and being social with everyone else, it’ll automatically defuse them as they know you’re not a psycho or creep, you know people, and thus you must be normal. They won’t know your relationship with the staff or the bartenders, they’re only going to assume you know them since you’re chatting with them and that you must have some social value.
- After consistently doing this for a few months and taking the time to invest in whatever your favorite venues might be, once you know every staff member on a first name basis and that they know you and share club perks and treat you as if you were part of the club’s elite, you’ve got the “Venue on Lock”. Attraction is a perception of value, and having a “Venue on Lock” will just make it a lot easier for you. Whether you’re looking to impress a girl you’re attracted to, want to meet more women, hook your friends up with new girls, or just want to have a go to spot in a major nightlife city and hang out with all your good friends, this can be a reality if you apply those tips I had just mentioned.
Step 4: Be Social Part II (Intros)
- Don’t be an overenthusiastic high fiving maniac. I see guys do this all the time, while I love high fiving everyone I don’t go crazy with it. Remember to just be friendly, finesse, and work the room.
- Opening a girl after working the room:
- This totally depends on where you’re at with your confidence and how well you manage your approach anxiety, walk up to a girl and open her and her friends:
- “Hows your night going? I’m Rob & you are?
- “Hi I’m Natalie & I’m having a great night!”
- “Oh Natalie, what a beautiful name……blah, blah, blah”
- Remember especially if you’re still feeling anxious after working the room and even building your momentum, a girl or her friends won’t make a scene, they won’t throw a drink in your face, and do anything to make a scene. Before that even happens, the bouncer and club staff will get involved and send your ass or maybe her’s out of the venue. Point is, don’t ever care, people in the club don’t notice or give a fuck if you get rejected, if anything you’ll be given more props by the ones who do notice.
- This totally depends on where you’re at with your confidence and how well you manage your approach anxiety, walk up to a girl and open her and her friends:
Step 5: Think Outside of the Box, Take Advantage of the Outliers
- Most men whether they’re new to the nightlife or the dynamics of a bar or a club and even experienced always seem to forget that the entire night is a party. It’s a party in the cab, a party in the streets, a party on the line, and a party in the venue. You don’t and always need to meet women inside the bar or the club. Since you’re going to lose the ability to talk, hear, and even visuals it’s important to take advantage of the times that you can talk and connect. My students always ask me how I manage to hook and connect with women I just met inside a loud dance club and this is what you should be doing. Planting your seeds early is important. In case you don’t get into a venue early and manage to do the things I had just mentioned in the previous steps, then please make an active effort to talk, befriend, and connect with women on line into the venue or on line to the bathroom, in the smokers section patio, the balcony if there is one, or the lounge area if there is one. It’s relatively pretty easy, you make some small talk, ask them how their night is going, be friendly, be positive, don’t be needy, and introduce them to your friends and even the club staff if you’ve already befriended them. Once you do that and if her and her friends are not in a rush, take the initiative and move them to the bar and buy her and yourself a drink. If you can’t do it right away, once you bump into her again, attempt to move her then.
- Besides the lines outside, by the bathroom, by coat check, or the lounge, make an active effort to look for the girls who look disengaged or look like they’re not having fun in the group. If you’re trying to find a way into a social group that consists of pretty girls, it’s good to befriend the girls who seem disengaged or are pretty shy even though they are part of the group. Be friendly, be social, and make them feel comfortable around you. Like having the club staff on your side, getting her on your side is another form of social leverage.
Step 6: Oh Captain, My Captain…Follow the Leader
- I don’t mean literally but it’s important to identify the leader of each social group you’re going to be interacting with and making an active effort of befriending them. Whether it’s the birthday girl, birthday guy, the alpha female, or alpha male it’s important to befriend them and understand that winning them over means winning the group over, which means winning the girl you’re attracted to over. This is another form of social leverage and having them on your side will do you wonders. Be friendly, match their energy level, be cool, buy them a drink if it’s their birthday, and most of all acknowledge and validate them. They hold the social cards and if you want an easy way to get close to a specific girl you’re attracted to or have access to all the girls in the group then it’s essential that you befriend the leader. They will also give you the necessary information you’re going to need to know like who’s who, whose dating who, whose single, and most of all if the leader is a she, is single, attractive, enjoys your presence, and feels comfortable around you and not threatened, she’s another option for the endless options you have just created for yourself if you’ve followed all the previous steps up to this point.
Step 7: Speed Kills
- Once again, I want to remind you that the nightlife moves 10x faster than normal day-to-day interactions with women. Bars and clubs are designed for one purpose and one purpose only and that’s to make money. It’s cognitively distracting and there are tons of things going on around you both outside and inside of the venue. It’s difficult to keep a girls attention span on you so it’s important once you have managed to get past basic social comfort and have managed to develop a little bit of sexual tension with her, that’s assuming you’ve managed to win her friends over and earn their trust and thus move her away to a more private and intimate part of the venue or somewhere outside of the venue at a neighboring lounge, it’s important to get seductive and move things forward with her sexually. Prolong your touch and if she’s receptive, break in and out of her space and go in for a kiss. Remember to test constantly and adjust your behavior and approach based on how she feels around you. If she doesn’t want to kiss and make out right away or feels tense then take a step back, bring her back to her friends if she wants to go back and just hang out until she loosens up a little bit more and feels a little more comfortable with you. Trust is important but knowing how to develop that trust quickly and escalating things quickly is important when navigating the nightlife.
- This rule also applies to if you’ve been blown out and rejected by other groups of women. Don’t stand in the corner and submit right away, immediately hop into another group and befriend and be social with the surrounding people, your ability to recover quickly will do wonders for not only your confidence and self-esteem but also re-frame you in the eyes of the girl or girls who just rejected you. I can’t tell you how many times a girl that rejected me early in the night tried to “bump into” and re-engage with me later on in the night after I’ve worked the rest of the room and managed to meet and connect with another set of pretty girls. Not every rejection you come across is a total rejection, so all I have to say to this is, get into auto-pilot, don’t hesitate, and if you do hesitate, you masturbate. My point is execute when you’re in the venue and reflect later. Everything moves faster in the night and it’s important to maintain your pace even if you hit a few roadblocks early on.
Step 8: Work the Dance Floor
- I love dancing and I love working the dance floor, don’t assume just because you can’t dance or because the amount of people around you is intimidating, don’t automatically rule out the dance floor and that you can’t meet, attract, and connect with pretty women. You don’t have to know all the craziest dance moves in the world, be a world class break dancer, or move like Channing Tatum but if you can it certainly will help. A few things to keep in mind if your working the dance floor:
- Don’t linger on the corner and stare, it’s creepy as hell and every guy does it. Move around, start shaking your hips, twerk, c walk, bust some moves out and move to the beat of the music. Point is have fun and enjoy the music, dancing is fun and silly. If you’re having fun women will pick up on that and start moving towards you.
- I recommend taking some basic ballroom or even salsa dancing classes for fun in your free time, you don’t have to move like a world class dancer but if you know the basic movements and how to lead you’ll have an easy time meeting girls on the dance floor.
- It’s 90% Non-Verbal. Since it’s so loud and energetic on the dance floor don’t try and have a conversation with her as if you two were at the bar or lounge part of the nightclub. Always approach her from the front where she can see you, it’s creepy and cringe worthy when I see guys come from behind and start randomly grinding on the girl, 9 times out of 10 she immediately gets creeped out and in some cases will make a scene and or throw a drink in their face, trust me I’ve seen this happen plenty of times. Smile as you’re dancing and if she reciprocates take that as a signal to lightly grab her hand and spin her. Spin her a few times and hold her hands as you dance to the music with her. Gradually pull her in closer and break her space (you can do this faster, but it all depends on if she’s tensing up or feels comfortable with you). From this point it’s really easy to escalate with a girl on the dance floor assuming she’s digging your dance moves, is moving with you, and is moving in closer as you’re moving in closer to her space. I usually go for a quick introduction by pulling in closer to her ear and after a few more spin moves, some silly booty shaking and grinding on her I move in for a quick kiss on both cheeks, if she’s receptive, move in and go in for the kiss. Once you’ve made out with her for a few times, tell her to come with you to the bar, get yourself and her a drink and introduce her to your friends as she will introduce you to her’s. After some small talk and getting to know each other, take her to the intimate part of the venue and continue where you left off with the sexual tension you built with her on the dance floor.
- Pay attention to the girl to guy ratio in a club, it can be obvious and at times pretty subtle. Once again there’s another reason why I recommend going out early and besides building momentum, social proof, and developing your social leverage, it progressively gets harder and harder to meet women as the night goes on. One of those reasons besides being intoxicated with alcohol is the amount of men present in the venue. Girls are aware of their value and safety, its always usually the latter but, for the egotistical ones, value might take precedence. Early on in the night, girls, especially the attractive ones won’t completely have their guard up and will be more open and receptive to friendly small talk and banter. It’s easier since there’s not too many guys out in the venue. Once peak hours hit, it literally turns from a sophisticated game of poker or blackjack where you can still control the odds to a game of pure chance such as pulling a slot machine or playing roulette. When there are tons of guys in a venue, it gets competitive, girls will have their guard up because they’re worried about being sexually assaulted by a drunk, creepy, or belligerent guy and it’s physically intimidating for girls since men are naturally bigger, stronger, and prone to aggression and violence. Just be mindful of the amount of men in the venue. More guys=less opportunities. So pay close attention to the line outside and if it looks like there are more men than women, pay attention to the amount of men lingering on the dance floor or even by the bar. If there are more guys in the venue, that’s you’re cue to leave and move on to the next venue or calling it a night depending on how late it is and how late the nightlife goes on ’til in whatever city you’re in.
- Remember what I said about the nightlife being a party everywhere and that everywhere you go is an opportunity to meet, attract, and connect with a pretty girl. If you’ve struck out of the venue or got in late and haven’t had a chance to take advantage of every single step I have provided for you, always remember there’s always troves of women moving around the streets. After the club or the bar, before heading home and calling it a night a few places you can meet women can range from the local pizzeria, to your local fast food joint, a food truck, or food cart. My point is look for where the food is and make small talk with everyone. Bring your crew with you too, so you don’t look creepy or in-congruent with the scene. At this point in the night most girls don’t really give a shit about how they look and they’re mostly concerned with grabbing some food, taking care of the friends that are left with them that are too drunk, and getting home safely. I can’t tell you how many phone numbers and dates I’ve managed to secure even after all the craziness of the club has ended. At this point everyone is already exhausted and ready to call it a night, I usually make casual small talk on the line for wherever I’m getting food and apply the same playbook I applied early on in the night. By being social, building rapport, building comfort, making light of the situation, and making plans for the following day if she’s down to hang out for brunch or at some point during the week. You can also apply this if you’re taking public transportation home such as sharing a cab with someone, an Uber pool, the drunk bus, and the drunk train home. My point is, the nightlife has options at every phase of the night. From the warm-up, the climb, the peak of the night, and the comedown.
I realize this post was a little long and is a lot to take in, so take it piece by piece and step by step. I’ve read multiple guides from dating gurus, pickup artists, other dating coaches, matchmakers, and club promoters on how to successfully handle the nightlife and what I found was the guides were just not comprehensive enough and only covered a micro part of the big picture, I’m not saying they sucked as they were certainly very helpful when I was first trying to figure this stuff out but it only covered a small fraction of the entire night as a whole. From my experience working in one of the most iconic and toughest nightlifes in the country let alone the world, I didn’t want to leave a single detail out for all of you guys who just can’t seem to crack the code for dealing with the bar and club scene. On that note, always remember, the night doesn’t have to suck, don’t focus on the results or trying to hook up with the first girl you’ve just interacted with in the club, forget about the sex, just remember to have fun and don’t let anything change or effect your ability to enjoy the night!
‘Til next time….Take care for now, we’re always here for you guys!
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