JimmyParticipantJuly 13, 2014 at 7:04 am #1993
Just got back from week 1’s in field. The avenue was a rooftop bar with lots of people hanging out. The atomosphere up top was pretty chill, so we could approach and initate a conversation pretty easily. Throughout the night, Chris and Hector would point out sets for us to open, whether it would be a single or a group. We also practiced working with a wingman to break groups into smaller, isolated situations. Tonight’s objective was for the coaches to get a sense of where we are in the pickup game. I am pleased to see this group of students is eager and willing to follow instructions and do what it takes to get better.
I think I approached around 10 girls tonight, I lost count. Most were receptive, a few were not, but that happens. Looking back on it, it was interesting to see the types of reaction you get when approaching someone and introducing yourself. Many girls responded quite positively to a stranger approaching them. However, I feel I need to get better at reading the other person’s reaction/mood and adjust myself accordingly in order to bring the interaction to the next level. In addition, I felt sometimes I was trying a little too hard to keep the interaction alive. So I think I need to develop a way to convey more value non-verbally so it doesn’t feel like I’m carrying the conversation.
But overall, it was good. I felt a little bit out of my confort zone (which is good) and look forward to improving with next week’s in field. The key things from this week to improve upon are energy level, touch-touch-touch, and leading the girl.
Thanks again to Chris, Hector, and the guys from the class. See you next week!Christopher LunaModeratorJuly 13, 2014 at 6:43 pm #2013
Jimmy, you did great for a first night!
When you started the night, your body language was very constrained, but after Hector took you downstairs to dance, you loosened up, and your movement was much better.
As I said last night, a great tip I learned from a promoter friend a while back is to memorize the words of the tops 10 songs on the hot 100 list. I use TuneWiki and sing while I listen to Spotify, or iTunes, while I work (this also has the added benefits of helping with voice projection, musicality in your voice, breathing, being less inhibited, and much more).
Then when you’re out, you can sing and dance along to the music in the venue. It will do a few things things. First, it will loosen up your voice, body language and movement. And second, it will put you in sync with the energy level of the venue (since music is usually the primary tool used to the energy level of most social gatherings. Which includes: parties, bars, restaurants, clubs, lounges, and so forth). We’ll talk more about this, and many more strategies as we go through the Dating Mastery Program.
Beyond this, remember: Talk-Touch-Move, and then Talk-Touch-Move. Just keep repeating this process, At this point even if you don’t know what you’re doing, how to touch, where to move, or what to say, this will get you farther than you might imagine.
Again, good job, it was a great start!JimmyParticipantJuly 26, 2014 at 9:14 pm #2174
This week’s class was about building initial comfort with a stranger and interacting with groups. Ask, validate, share, repeat. Why do we do this? To make the other person feel good about themselves, demonstrate value, and gives them the opportunity to reciprocate back to us.
Imagine if a stranger walks up to you and asks for change, what would you do? Most people would say no. Even though they may have spare change, they won’t give it. Why?
Personally, I would say no because I’m not comfortable enough with that person and have no investment in the interaction. Although it may sound selfish, at that moment I don’t really care about the other person’s troubles. They have their issues, I have mine, you have yours. Therefore, because I am not comfortable/invested enough in the other person, they will not get what they want from me.
Now imagine if a stranger walks up to you and asks about your thoughts on traveling alone. You say you think it’s perfectly fine. The stranger says he thinks that’s awesome and admires your independent and adventurous opinion. He shares a story about how he’s been to many places solo and how he got to experience the finer details you may not notice when traveling with others. He then asks what’s the coolest place you’ve been? You say Europe. The guy responds with how spectacular that must have been and how well traveled of a person you are! (High fives you) He plans to go to France next year and is so psyched for it. He then says it was so cool meeting you. But before he goes, he mentions he’s a little short on bus money and if you had any spare change to help him out, it’d be much appreciated, but please don’t feel obligated at all.
In the second scenario, I’d be much more willing to give the guy some money. He asked me what MY thoughts are on a subject (made me feel important), how MY thoughts were cool (made me feel good), and how WE are similar (made me feel comfortable). When he asked for money at the end, it didn’t feel as “needy” as in the first scenario. So it seems when we want something from a stranger, whether it’s help, bus money, a date, etc., our chances improve a lot when we first establish comfort.
Side note: I had a psychic reader approach me on the street. He said I was blessed with a lucky face but I also had some issues I was dealing with. He tried to make me feel good and relate with my issues. Although he did a good job opening, there was something off. That something was being genuine. From the start, it felt like he wanted something from me (money) and wasn’t really interested in me as a person. Maybe it was because he forgot my name right after I told it to him. When he asked for my name again, I told him to use his psychic powers, haha.
The night started with approaching two girls by the bar. I asked what they thought of raising dogs in the city. They said it was ok. I then told them about how I was thinking of bringing my dog to the city and wasn’t sure if it was a good environment. One of them eventually asked if I was doing a survey. I said no, I was just interested in their opinion. Then it kind of died off there.
Fast forward and I’m talking to a girl who was behind us when we were waiting in line to get in to the venue. I said “Hey I think you were talking to my friend in line before. How’s your night going?” The conversation went smoother this time. The funny part was when I forgot her name. When I tried to use it in conversation, there was an awkward pause, haha. I totally know how she felt…just like I did when the psychic forgot my name.
In another set, I think I was winging Peter. There was a group of three and one girl kept texting on her phone. I think that was Peter’s target. I came in and isolated one of the girls, turning her back to her friends and leaving Peter with the other two. We actually hit it off pretty well. She was a big fan of traveling and kept reciprocating my touches. Eventually her friends came in wanted to go to the bathroom.
Later on, Hector had me approach two girls and come in singing. So like boss, I came in singing Sweet Child ‘o Mine by Guns and Roses. To my surprise, and I think everyone’s as well…no one ran away screaming, bleeding from the ears. The girls were quite receptive to the singing although they never heard of it before. But then it got into “what do you do”, “where are you from”…boring talk.
I think I need to do more validation / get interested in their opinion as I was more asking questions and talking about myself.
There were a couple sets which were not responsive. I think for at least some of them, I was kind of in my head in coming up with the perfect open ended question and it showed. So I need to relax, not sweat the details, and just enjoy myself. I need to remember to apply what I’ve learned but not be so caught up in it that it comes off weird. See you next week!
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