IsaacParticipantMay 28, 2015 at 11:37 pm #3609
As I’m sitting down to write this, I’ve just been told that a good friend has died of stomach cancer. I don’t feel like I can go on writing honestly, without talking a bit about how that makes me feel – in relation to this course.
There are 2 ideas in my head right now. One, is the drive to live powerfully – now. This includes sex. I want to have a full, fun and adventurous sex life. This is just a part of my drive to live as fully and as powerfully as I possibly can, unashamed and unapologetic about my nature as a man. I feel like I’m just waking up to this now, in my mid 30s, and feel really eager to make up for lost years and take full advantage of whatever is left of my ‘youth’.
The other idea, is more judgmental. I see this drive and desire for sex, to be manipulative, exploitative and shameful. I somehow sense that really admirable men, connect with women deeply, emotionally and personally; with sex as kind of a byproduct. The drive for sex in itself, without a deep personal connection, is something I ought to be ashamed of.
When confronted with death, both these ideas are made much stronger. On the one hand, I feel the urge to live powerfully and unapologetically, but I also sense the drive to live an honorable and meaningful life. I feel like in some ways, these two are contradictory.
With this all out in the open, I want to go on to my experience last Friday night:
We were at the Beer garden for about 2 hours, from 10 to 12. Most of the time, that we were there, I walked around on my own. I found it easiest to approach girls while by myself. I also did not use any routines, just said ‘hi girls’ and asked how their night was going, where they were from, what their plans were for the night, exchanged names etc. This worked pretty well, but for the most part, conversation stayed pretty light and I did not push toward getting a number.
I found the environment at the beer garden, to be a lot easier than at PS1. I felt that at the beer garden, people were just standing around and more open to being approached, while at PS1 people seemed to be involved in doing something. At PS1, I felt that approaching girls, I was intruding and needed more of an excuse and a cover story.
My big success for the night, was a group of college grads visiting Massachusetts. There was one particularly beautiful girl who I was interested in. She was Jordanian and I know a bit about Jordan and Arabic culture, she really appreciated that. We had a great conversation. At some point, I told her that I guess that she’s a youngest child. She said that I was right and that she was the youngest of 3. I told her that youngest children have a very fun and carefree vibe – that I was able to see in her. She friended me on Facebook, but left back to MA on Monday and then back to Jordan this week.s1ckc4llParticipantJune 2, 2015 at 5:19 am #3612
Issac, really sorry about your loss. I think your friend would want you to live the rest of your life as powerfully as possible.
This class, like much of life, is whatever you make it to be. It can just as easily be about random hookups as it can be about finding a deeply committed relationship with a wonderful girl. Try to make this class more about learning the skills you need to have the life/relationships you want.
Sounds like you are on the right track!EvanParticipantJune 3, 2015 at 7:14 pm #3618
Sorry to hear about your loss as well.
I think there’s a way to pursue sex in an honorable manner. Pretty much all the “strategies” we discuss in the class deal with body language, movement, how to lead, how to touch, and how to present yourself. None of them involve lying/being deceitful/manipulative etc.
I agree with sckll’s comment. Only you can decide what you want… be it lots of sex w/ many different people, or a long term relationship. I think they’re both valid. There’s an overlapping skill set for each that you need experience to gain… and gaining the experience might requiring digging deep into where some of your feelings are coming from. But, we’ll all be there to talk through it and hopefully help.
Great job so far.
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