Why Women Don't Return Phone Calls

I’ve noticed with my clients that as soon as men start to feel comfortable around women, they start getting phone numbers. The problem is that while men are learning to improve with women, those numbers seldom translate into a date or second meet up.

Maybe you’ve experienced this. You went out and met a gorgeous woman, got her phone number, and then you were left wondering, “why won’t she call me back?” If you have, you know how this feels, and it sucks. The truth is that not every woman will respond to every guy who calls her, but there are things that you can do to substantially increase the odds that she does.

I’m going to tell a story that lays down the foundation for this point.

Years ago, while I was still struggling to figure out the dating game, I was on my way to a meeting with an incredibly beautiful woman named Deebe. At the time, she was in her early twenties, had a thin face, huge brown eyes, gorgeous long dark hair, olive skin, and a figure like a coke bottle. Every time I saw her in public, men’s heads spun around when she walked past.

As we parked the car, her phone rang. She looked down, and flashed the phone at me. It was an “A” list rock star. I was actually shocked at first, and doubted the authenticity. At that point in my life I had never met a celebrity, and since we worked together, I assumed that she hadn’t either.

“Is that really who it says it is?” I asked.

“Yes,” she giggled.

“How do you know him?”

It turned out that she was at his concert a few days before with her sister, and as she was leaving someone from his entourage approached her. He had seen her in the crowd, and he wanted to meet her, so he sent someone out to bring her backstage.

“Are you going answer it?” I asked.

“No.” She responded. And she never did.

So what did this “A” list rockstar do wrong?

As we talked it became obvious. It was the same mistake that I’d made in the past, and the same mistake I’ve watched countless men make. He never built an emotional connection with her.

The media spins men a narrative: If you get famous, make a lot of money, drive an expensive car, wear a watch that costs thousands of dollars, live in a mansion, look like a model, walk around in designer suits, and eat at gourmet restaurants, then women will never reject you. It’s not true. I know because I’ve coached a lot of men who have all of these things, yet still struggle with women.

Most women are looking for something that is a lot simpler than those things mentioned above. They want to feel an emotional connection to the man in her life. And as a man, you want to start building this connection the moment that you meet her.

In Deebe’s case, this rock star tried to use his fame as a crutch, and it failed. From her perspective, it was easier to give this guy her number and not answer his calls than it was for her to reject him backstage at his concert while he was surrounded by his entourage, and risk creating an awkward situation.

This example is extreme, but women do this all the time. Just because a woman gives a man her number, doesn’t mean that she intends to answer his calls. If she’s not answering a man’s calls, it’s almost always because he didn’t build the right type of emotional connection with her.