EvanParticipantOctober 30, 2015 at 12:24 am #3764
Went out twice this week. First on Friday with the class and then on Saturday during the day with Jon.
Since I still feeling like i’m regaining confidence in this area after a long break, I was mostly focused on just opening up sets again as well as warming up well. One think I succeeded in doing was warming up really well. We started at the standard beer garden, and I started talking to everyone right when I entered the venue. This started with asking people who were standing in line for the entracne how their night was going. Then i briefly talked to some people who were in line for Beer. Then Ardie and i started immediately pointing out sets for each other and going in. He was crushing opening – i think actually better than I was doing.
Some quick thoughts on opening naturally (w/o canned routine:)
My best opens were generally situational questions (e.g. what beer are you drinking?). Opening with “what are your guys drinking?” – or something situational.
When the girl is alone, something observational tended to work best. E.g. “you look like you’re waiting for someone, … or you have great style… etc”
I also opened a lot with “Hi, I don’t think I’ve met you guys yet” when I couldn’t think of anything else. As a rule, this starts out shakier and more awkward, but if I were to stand strong and hang in there through the initial awkwardness, and try to hook conversation to another topic quickly in the end it was equally effective.
This brings me to a greater point that I think I’ve been starting to absorb about opening. I know opening is not the most important part of game and that there’s a huge process past that. Although, it’s a prerequisite for everything else. It’s also the place that gives me and i think other people the most anxiety.
So, the idea that i’ve been working with is – is that what you initially say (and even do) doesn’t matter much at all. What’s really important is
1) that whatever you initially say or do fully captures there attention (more often than what you say, this involves physically placing your body in front of them so that they have no choice but to attend to you)
2) that you convey a generally positive energy (a week ago, my sets weren’t opening and i’m pretty sure it’s because i got stressted out and had a sort of tense grimace on my face) – e.g. smile, and are somewhat congruent
3) that you react appropriately to how they react to you
– sometimes this means maintaining positiveness/talking through a moment of initial awkwardness
– in general though, it means calibrating – so maybe they’ll instantly do something funny that you can comment on –
– maybe you notice an accent you can comment on, etc,
– other wise you can ask a stock get to know you question , or a canned opinion question
This has been working out for me faily well. Although, next week i’ll probably go back to opinion openers because i think in general they’re needed to open a large group and this is something i want to get back under my belt.
In sets I was mostly just having conversations for which either the girls after a while would walk away or would reveal at somepoint that they weren’t available. I think that during instances where the girl walked away, there were generally opportunities to push the interaction forward (e.g. moving them somewhere else) and i’ll try to do that next time.
Another thing I want to work on next time is getting closer to people. I’ve realized this week that this makes me really uncomfortable in general. And i don’t know if this is a new thing, or just something I’ve noticed, but in general i think i’m somewhat anxious about entering some one else’s personal space. I’m going to try to work on this next time out.
Went out w/ Jon on saturday during the day. I hadn’t done day approaches in nearly a year and I forgot how much fun it is. It’s faily different than at night in that when you get blown out way more if you’re going after girls who are walking on the street. Over the course of maybe 8-10 approaches, they got better and started opening up. Again, I didn’t really push things to getting the number, but I feel like i’m on the verge of that. I’d really like to start doing this regularly alone if only to actively maintain social skills as i work during the week. I actually went out for 30 minutes today to union square, but couldn’t make myself do it with no one there to pressure me.
Does anyone have advice on motivating yourself when you go out alone? Or perhaps, if you do this, how you gradually (or maybe not gradually) got yourself to start approaching with no one else there to make you do it.
I was thinking I might start just going everyday for ~30-60 minutes, and gradually, it will become more comfortable. Or like, if i don’t approach making myself do something really boring as like punishment.
The other thing i was thinking was trying to find internal motivation to approach. I had experimented before w/ a masturbation diet and actually had a lot of success with that. It certainly makes talking to girls more exciting. I think it might be time to start that again.
\JohnModeratorOctober 30, 2015 at 5:27 pm #3769
Hey Evan, I can let you know what helps motivate me to approach during the day alone. Feel free to try it, hopefully some of it helps! A masturbation diet would definitely help. I would say even cutting out pornography altogether would be a huge help too. Probably the biggest challenge is the mental aspect of talking to girls during the day by yourself. The best thing for me is to go out regularly and to set goals. For me it is usually 3 opens per day or 1 at the very least. And then there are a couple days during the week that I set out to far exceed those minimum amounts. Another aspect of all this is patience. It is very tough to go out during the day, so keep positive thinking. A lot of times it comes down to reframing what I think a success is. A success can be as simple as making a girls day by essentially hitting on her. It’s a slow process, but the more consistent you are, the easier and better you become at opening. Another trick I’ve used is listening to music on my phone. I find that it helps quiet the internal conversation that is going on in my head, which can often times be frantic. Building on this point, you can also listen to pump up songs. You can also listen to pump up songs and work up a sweat before going out completely to really get all the endorphins flowing. Another tip that I use is doing little things to work up the momentum to talking to cute girls. It could be asking a random person the time or where the closest coffee shop is. It can even be walking in the direction of a cute girl, even if you don’t actually talk to her. I find it gets my momentum going for the next open (or actually that one) and gets me out of the mindset of “not trying to look like an idiot.” There are also many mental exercises to get you out of your head. A simple one is focusing on the pressure on the bottom of your feet. If you are very into that kind of stuff, let me know and I can elaborate much more on that process step-by-step. Lastly, it sounds crude but you can use your imagination of what it would be like to sleep with the girl you are debating whether or not to talk to. I’ve noticed it helps a lot of times to get me over the edge to go up and talk to a girl because it makes potential results that much more tangible. I hope something in here helps! Feel free to ask about anything specifically and I can expand.
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