Dan Doty is a writer, filmmaker, coach, and mentor. Dan spent many years as a wilderness therapy guide, and later had a successful career as a director and producer of wilderness-based TV and film. He is the co-founder (along with Owen Marcus) of Evryman, an organization that focuses on men’s work, also called deep work. He is also the host of the Evryman Podcast. Dan has an important message for men about their emotional health, and discusses what men can do to become better partners, fathers, community members, and leaders.
In this interview, Dan begins by sharing his background and journey through several different careers. He talks about starting Evryman to address the two biggest issues that men face in today’s world: emotional suppression and social isolation. He expands on what these issues might look like in someone’s life. Dan then explains how men’s groups help solve suppression and isolation by practicing vulnerability. He also talks about how his personal relationships have improved as a result of opening up.
Dan describes how the birth of his son pushed him to fully commit to this paradigm of feeling more. He also shares how he was able to improve his relationship with his father. Dan then explains what it means to be fully present. He offers advice on how to be more present by slowing down, becoming aware of what’s happening in ourselves, and then being fully there for others. Dan goes on to discuss how men’s groups can help with dating and relating, and how they’ve impacted his relationship with his wife.
Next, Chris shares the story of how the relationship between his parents fell apart, and about a friend whose marriage became strained. Dan elaborates on being vulnerable in the right contexts and with the right people, and how it takes practice to develop this skill. He then debunks the idea of the rugged individual and figuring things out on your own. He discusses the importance of social connection and the negative effects of loneliness.
Chris talks about opening up to people in safe spaces. Dan applies the concept of titration to vulnerability, and explains how to cultivate openness through repetitions and small steps. He also references a similar concept from Steve Kotler’s book about flow states. Chris then shares some of his past traumas that he’s had to work through. Finally, Dan describes his first experience with a men’s group. He also talks about how men’s groups can be attributed to many of his successes in life, including building connections and starting new careers.
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The Craft of Charisma Podcast is also available at: