How to stop being alone

How to Stop Feeling Lonely

If you’re single, any holiday or event can be a lonely time. To make things worse, there are reminders of it everywhere. 

If you’re feeling this way, then there are things that you can do to change this feeling, but to do so, you’ll need to make some tough choices.

First, you’ll need to choose that you want this feeling to end. Misery, depression, and even loneliness can become both addicting, and a habit. As horrible as these things make us feel, they become part of our identity. 

If you’re in this situation (I’ve been there), then you must decide that you want something different, and then define what that is. Maybe you want happiness, love, friends, a family, someone to talk to, or even sex. I’m not here to define what you want, but I am telling you that you need to get clear and honest with yourself about what THAT is.

Next, write it down. I am going to ________________. 

Print this page and fill it out if you need to, then date it and give yourself a timeline. It’s important that you document your commitment, and that you can see your goal.

Now that you have a goal, you’re at the place where most people get stuck and fail. If you don’t believe me, check with your friends around Valentine’s Day to see how many have succeeded with their New Year’s Resolutions.

That’s because once they have a goal, they don’t know how to plan for this change. So within a short time, they fall back into their previous patterns. Now that you’re aware of this, this failure is unacceptable.

So that’s the next step. You are going to create a plan, and you are going to plan to succeed. 

The plan (and writing it down) is essential, because what you’ve been doing isn’t working. 

A plan has three parts.

  • First, an honest assessment of where you’re at.
  • Second, a clear idea of your goal.
  • Third, the specific “steps” that you’re going to take to get yourself there. 

I have to make a few things clear about these steps. First, they must be specific, and move you towards your goal. For example, if next holiday season you don’t want to be alone, then you need to date. 

Some specific steps you can take towards dating are:

Second, the first steps in the plan must be things that you can do now. If it’s something that you can’t do now, then slice the goal into something smaller. When you’re designing a plan, the next step must always be within reach of the previous one. 

For example, if you can’t approach a stranger that you think is attractive, start with making eye contact, then as a next step, try holding eye contact and saying “hi.” Within a short time, you’ll be able to build up to approaching a stranger and starting a conversation, and eventually moving things intimately. 

Remember, the first step towards your goal must be small enough that there is no excuse NOT to do it.

Finally (and this is more of a warning), whatever steps you decide to take now are unlikely, at least by themselves, to get you to your goal.

This last point is important. Our goals, especially the big ones, often take more than action to reach. They often take a change in ourselves, flexibility in our approach, and help from mentors.

If you’re feeling lonely, focus today on taking a step towards changing that; I promise it will help. If you need help, Craft of Charisma is here to support you.

Chris Luna

Founder, CEO, and Head Dating & Life Coach @ Craft of Charisma dating and relationship coaching.


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