Nick Boothman is a bestselling author, motivational speaker, and licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. He is considered one of the leading authorities on face-to-face communication, and serves as a consultant to individuals, groups, and corporations that want to learn the skills needed to connect with others. He has authored several books, including “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” and “How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less.”
In this interview, Nick starts by discussing how to find the right person to build a deep connection with. He explains the difference between falling in love and staying in love, and reveals the keys to lasting romance. Nick then elaborates on the idea of matched opposites. He goes into the four key feelings: wanting to feel in control, smart, valued, or important. Nick explains why figuring out our key feeling is a vital part of finding our matched opposite. He also talks about how dating is a numbers game, and that only a small percentage of the people we meet will be eligible.
Next, Nick reveals the secret to knowing when we’ve met the right person. He describes how impatience undermines our ability to connect with others. He also talks about changing our perspective of bad relationships so that we can move on and invest our energy into meeting new people. Nick offers helpful tips for those who aren’t sure what they want in a relationship. We ask him why first impressions are so important, and how people can make great first impressions. Nick talks about the role of body language and attitude. He then contrasts useful versus useless attitudes, and discusses the relationship between congruence and charisma.
Chris talks about some of the origins of mixed signals. Nick then explains what eye contact, smiling, and synchronized body language communicate. He discusses why hesitation is the biggest obstacle to meeting people, and recommends using the 3-second rule to overcome this hurdle. Nick also offers additional strategies for building trust and rapport, and shares a helpful reframe of rejection. He goes more in depth on eye contact and reveals a secret flirtation signal.
Nick talks about how people usually fall into three categories based on their first impression: charming, alarming, or boring. We ask him what charm means to him, and he compares it with his definition of charisma. He then talks about the importance of storytelling and how people communicate with picture words, metaphors, and stories. He explains why the ability to arouse enthusiasm in others is one of the greatest assets in dating. Nick also describes what it means to be a raconteur, and how this increases attraction. He reveals one of the five steps to becoming a great raconteur.
Nick then discusses the three sensory preferences: auditory, kinesthetic, and visual, and how people rely on one main sense. He explains how figuring out our sensory preference and learning to spot it in others can improve our ability to communicate and connect. Finally, Nick references a speech that he’s delivered to groups, called “How to Live to 105.” He discusses the three factors that impact life expectancy: our self-talk, where we live, and our willingness to take risks. As a last piece of advice, he encourages us to get out there, take risks, and meet other people, because our health depends on it.
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Mike is the Producer for the Craft of Charisma Podcast.