“What’s the fastest way to get better with women?” That’s what Jeff asked me the first time I met him after one of my lectures.
My answer was brief and direct: “Experience.”
He looked down and away for a second. I could see the embarrassment rippling through his face. He looked back up at me. “I don’t have a lot of experience.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “No one starts with it. But you’ll need to get it if you ever want to be good with women.”
“How do I get experience when I don’t even know where to start?” he inquired.
“Knowledge, consistent practice, group support, and mentorship. It’s the secret to learning anything,” I replied.
Let me explain:
Knowledge refers to learning better strategies. Better strategies will get you better results. The best strategies will get you the best results.
You can waste a lot of time mastering bad strategies, and they’ll get you mediocre to horrible results. This seems obvious, but it’s not. If you’re not where you want to be, you’ve probably mastered some bad strategies. I talk about how to change this in our Friday lectures.
Consistent practice means putting in the effort. Anything in life that’s worth learning takes persistence. If you want to learn a musical instrument, it takes constant practice. If you want to learn a language, it takes constant practice. If you want to learn to draw, paint, or dance or to do advanced calculus, or write computer programs, all take constant practice. Social skills and dating are no different.
People often think that they can buy books, videos and attend seminars, and that they’ll get better through osmosis. It might make them feel better, but it’s the equivalent to buying a gym membership and staring at the weights. No pain, no gain.
For the men out there, this means that if you want to get better at approaching women, you actually have to approach women to improve.
Group support—the key here is support. When I was learning this skill set, my buddies would tease me. They were insecure and worried that I would leave them behind. I did, and I have no regrets.
When you’re struggling with something new, having a bunch of people around who are making it harder is stupid. By surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals, you’ll be able to share ideas, motivate each other, and grow faster. I’m sure there will be more than a few people like this at the Friday lectures, but I will teach you to filter through them and surround yourself with more.
Finally, mentorship. Not everyone needs it. Every once in a while the world gets a Srinivasa Ramanujan (Google him—his story will blow your mind). But most people do.
For the rest of us, a great mentor will fill you with knowledge. They’ve experimented and learned what works. They’ll use these experiences to teach you optimal strategies and help you to get the best results possible. They’ll answer your questions and give you feedback. They’ll help you cultivate a group of people that will be supportive of your goals. Finally, they’ll be there to push you, and to make sure that you get consistent practice. They’ll shorten your learning curve and help you reach your potential.