“So, I sort of know how to touch a girl but I can still never make it to home plate.”
“I already know how to touch a girl but how do I physically escalate?”
“Can I please have a cheat sheet so I remember how to do all this stuff?”
At this point, I’m going to assume you’re not a novice anymore when it comes to touching a girl. But if you’re still not feeling very confident with conveying your attraction to her through touch, I highly suggest you refer back to the first part of this series on “How to Touch a Girl.”
If you’ve already read part one and have been practicing, I’m going to assume that one of the thoughts or questions I wrote above have crossed your mind while trying to navigate the fine art of touching a girl.
In part two, I will provide you with a comprehensive guide and cheat sheet to master the art of touch and physically escalating with any girl you’re attracted to and have started to develop a connection with.
Why Touch is Important
Knowing how and where to touch a girl can be confusing for some and quite worrying for most. Touch is one of the most basic forms of human connection. In life we touch the people we’re closest to, such as our best friends, family, and most of all our romantic partners. It’s a clear sign that you’re past the surface level formalities and have reached a deeper connection.
In order to build romantic chemistry and trust with any girl, especially with one you’ve just met, you’ll never get past the formalities of surface level introductions unless you break that barrier with touch. Touch reflects your personality, your feelings, and most of all your intentions towards her. It also builds trust, rapport, and compliance with her, and decreases the chances of rejection.
Stages of Touch
In Craft of Charisma’s Dating Mastery Program, the longest portion and by far one of the hardest to master is the stages of touch. As I’ve said multiple times, “Seduction is like a boiling pot of water, you slowly turn up the temperature.” As men, deciding if we’re attracted to a girl takes a matter of seconds. Most of the time it’s usually her looks and her physical appearance that sells her right away as a potential romantic partner, whereas for women it’s the opposite.
Biologically, men are hardwired to be attracted to the physically healthiest and best looking women. By desiring and competing for the healthiest woman, it ensures the survival of the man’s genes that will be passed onto the next generation. For women on the other hand, deciding if they’re attracted to a man is a totally different ball game.
Women are hard wired to be emotionally stimulated and to assess men based on personality traits, ability to gather resources, and hierarchy. While it’s low risk for men to decide right away on what attracts them, it’s higher risk for women to decide if they’re attracted to a man. The man could have an inferior personality or genes which means he can’t gather resources or protect her and their children.
It’s risky for women because they bear the children, men can physically hurt them, and most of all women don’t want to be with an unreliable man who’s going to leave them with their child while they run around and procreate.
I’m well aware of the fact that the statements in the previous paragraphs aren’t politically correct, but please take the time to learn evolutionary psychology and biology to understand the concepts I’m trying to drive in here.
So what does this little evolutionary psychology lesson have to do with learning how to touch a girl? The point I’m trying to drive home is that women are attracted to different things compared to what men are attracted to. While looks can be helpful for men, they aren’t everything. Your biggest asset is to have the ability to sell yourself by stimulating her mentally and emotionally, and touch is one of the fastest and most effective ways to do this.
As I’ve mentioned before, touch makes people feel more connected to you. Touch builds compliance, and it reflects your personality, your feelings, and most of all your intentions towards her. With all of this in mind, we build compliance through constant testing. As I teach you the different levels of touch, always remember that each girl is uniquely different with her own threshold of comfort.
Your goal is to test for both attraction and comfort. If she’s already attracted to you, or you’ve built considerable attraction with her through the five senses by how you’re dressed and groomed, and by having similar interests, a great sense of humor, etc., the rest of the process is just about making her feel more comfortable with you.
Like every human being, whether you’re a man or a woman, she has her own set of insecurities, anxieties, and baggage that holds her back from romantically connecting with you and getting sexual. Always pay attention to how she reacts. If she’s receptive and doesn’t tense up, keep going. If she tenses up, looks uncomfortable, or lets you know verbally or non-verbally, don’t panic. Take a step back for a moment, give her some space, and try again.
Stage 1: The Initial Meet & Getting Past Being a Stranger
In this stage, you don’t know each other yet. After you’ve mustered up the confidence to go up to her and introduce yourself, its essential to set the pace and build your rapport with her through comfort touch. No creepy sexual innuendos implied here; it simply means that you’re trying to establish comfort with her through your initial touches. These are not sexual in any way. You would typically use them with friends, acquaintances, and colleagues.
- Shoulder or elbow tap with handshake:
- You can do this as you shake her hand and touch her shoulder with your opposite hand.
- The elbow tap can be used when you’re teasing her or trying to emphasize a point.
- Item compliment:
- You touch a piece of her jewelry such as her earrings or necklace as you’re complimenting her.
- Cheek to cheek kiss:
- My personal favorite – one of my previous exes who was Ecuadorian did this with me when I first met her. It can be used as an introduction and when you end a conversation with her.
These are virtually harmless touches. The objective is to get past the stranger stage to the acquaintance stage. To her, you’re no longer a stranger once you’ve built a little trust and rapport with her through touch.
Stage 2: Acquaintance to Friend
Imagine how you would touch a friend; in this stage your goal is to get her to feel comfortable with you through touching her and getting her to touch you as a friend. How to friends touch?
- You high five her to validate her
- You fist bump her to validate her
- You tease her by checking her muscles if she mentions that she enjoys working out
- You hold her hand
- You playfully check her pulse
- You thumb wrestle with her
- Tease her enough so she playfully hits you back
- A nice little hip bump, if she hip bumps you back, you have compliance and her comfort around you is already established
- Check her shoes out, this will allow you to touch her feet or leg
- You grab her hand (not aggressively) and say she’s a hand model if you’re playfully trying to guess what she does for a living
- You put your arm around her to take a selfie or a Snapchat together
- You lightly touch her leg when she’s sitting down next to you
- When you’re leading her and she’s in front of you, you put your hand on the base of her back
- You put your head on her shoulder
- You lead her to the dance floor and dance with her
Stage 3: Friend to Intimate
At this stage, after you’ve established your rapport and relationship as friends by playfully touching her, the only difference between this stage and the last is that you’re prolonging your touch with her. When you’re intimate with someone, it means that you have a close relationship with that person, like a best friend, sibling, parent, etc. You hold them as you hug them, you prolong whatever touch you have with her.
You can use the previous examples listed in Stage 2, just prolong your touch with her. Here’s a few examples:
- Comparing hand sizes with her and then interlocking your fingers with her
- Stroking your hand through her hair and giving her a light massage
Stage 4: Intimate to Sexual
This stage is pretty self-explanatory. Just make sure to not skip steps or stages. As I’ve said before, seduction is like a boiling pot of water where you slowly turn the heat up. You’ve probably noticed the progression is like a ladder from stage one through four. At this point of the interaction and how you touch her, your job is to make her feel sexy and to touch her in a seductive manner. This stage is basically foreplay and potentially a prelude to sex.
Steps to Go From Intimate Touch to Sexual Touch
- You sexually validate her and build sexual tension by verbally letting her know that you think she’s sexy or has a sexual energy and that you love that about her.
- Kiss her and make out with her.
- Run your hand through her hair and massage her scalp and tell her she has really sexy hair.
- Sexually escalate the situation by telling her that she’s turning you on. At this point you can:
- Take her hand and put it on your penis if she’s making you hard. Do this as you’re making out with her.
- Tickle and pull her hair down (sexually). You tickle her scalp and then take your hand and lightly grip her hair, pull her head to one side, and keep making out with her.
- Pin her against the wall as you’re making out with her, and grab her from under her ribs and pull her up as you’re making out with her.
- Kiss her neck/chest:
- As you’re making out with her, slowly move down to her neck and chest area. You can also lightly bite her earlobes.
- Massage her
- Smack her bum:
- Spank it, squeeze it, and/or rub your hand on it.
- Private parts:
- Slip your hand inside her bra and play with her breast.
- Slip your hand down her pants (you get the rest).
As I’ve said before, ALWAYS TEST! If she’s not receptive and getting uncomfortable, move back a step or stage and rinse and repeat. Most of all, DON’T SKIP STEPS. A lot of men try to take it from 0-100 in just a few minutes or even seconds. This is a big reason why girls get creeped out and are more likely to pin a sexual assault charge if you don’t execute with patience, common sense, and emotional intelligence.
Seduction takes time, building trust and rapport takes time, and everyone is different. Please be mindful of her, her emotions, and how she feels around you. At this point, you’re not only trying to lead and navigate through your anxieties; you’re also leading her and navigating her past her anxieties. Touching is supposed to be fun, so have fun with her and enjoy the process of building your connection from being a stranger to becoming her lover.
‘Til Next Time,