Cold approach versus social circle article by Craft of Charisma

Cold Approach vs. Social Circle: What’s the Best Strategy for Meeting Women?

People tend to have differing opinions on whether cold approach or social circle is the best way to meet women. Before I got into self-improvement and working on my social skills, my social life was very limited. Out of scarcity, I would always end up pursuing the lone girl in my friend group without ever expanding my options.

Needless to say, over the course of several years, this strategy failed miserably and caused destructive ripple effects throughout my friend groups. But it was through these painful experiences that I realized I needed to change the way I was doing things, because the same old ways were not working at all.

So what’s the difference between cold approach and social circle in regards to courtship and dating? Cold approach refers to approaching strangers, while social circle refers to dating within your social network, including acquaintances, friends, friends of friends, coworkers, and so forth.

Consider Your Personality and Social History

Generally, your personality and social history will determine whether cold approach or social circle is your go-to strategy for meeting women. The majority of men will meet the girls they date through their social circle. But if you’re still developing your dating and social skills, pursuing girls within your social circle can be a bad strategy, because if something goes wrong, it can damage your relationships with other people that you care about.

If you’ve had traumatic experiences pursuing girls within your social circle, and you’re just starting to improve yourself, I strongly suggest sticking to cold approach. Trying to date girls within your social circle when you have no idea what you’re doing can easily backfire, making things super awkward and potentially causing you to lose entire friend groups.

As I alluded to earlier, I’ve experienced this a couple of times. In each case, I became extremely emotionally attached to a girl in my friend group. The truth is that I had no real options in my dating life, and due to limited experience, I didn’t know how to manage my emotions in these situations. Unfortunately, these crushes were always one-sided because I didn’t know how to express (or read) attraction and romantic interest. I suffered from codependence and what psychologist Dr. Robert Golver refers to as Nice Guy Syndrome.

Even now, after going out for over a year and a half, I still won’t pursue women within my social circles, unless they express strong interest and I’m very attracted to them. Cold approach isn’t necessarily easier, but as the saying goes, “Nothing worth having comes easy.” I still don’t trust my abilities to be able to handle a romantic situation in my social circle, so by going out to meet women through cold approach, there’s no nagging worries in the back of my mind.

Benefits of Cold Approach

Cold approach opens you up to so many more options, lessens the pain of rejection because you have no previous ties to the girls, and lessens the fear of screwing it up because you aren’t jeopardizing any friendships. And of course, it will greatly expand your range of social comfort. Even for guys who have had success pursuing girls within their social circle, I suggest giving cold approach a shot. It’s fun, interesting, and builds positive qualities all around.

For ideas, tips, and strategies on where and how to meet women, check out the following articles:

The interesting paradox is that down the road, once you master cold approach, you’ll actually have the social skills necessary to build your own circle full of high quality people, including beautiful women. Then you’ll be able to date within your social circle with ease if you wish to do so!

My final point is that, even if you are utilizing cold approach to meet girls, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work on building a social circle for friendships and acquaintanceships. Having a group of fun, like-minded, supportive friends to hang out with is extremely valuable, and going out with them can greatly improve your social confidence.

I encourage becoming friends with girls, especially attractive ones. Spending more time with girls can only help you when you go out to meet potential dates. You’ll get more comfortable around women, and you will start to gain clarity on how they think and operate.


Mike is the Producer for the Craft of Charisma Podcast.


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