-by Rob Virges
In yesterday’s post, I wrote about developing your internal self-confidence with a few mindsets and re-affirmations. If you haven’t had a chance to take a look at it, you can take a look at it right here:
In mindset number 4, I go over the concept of never judging a situation as good or bad and going with the assumption that “it’s too soon to tell” essentially it’s always too soon to judge a situation and come to a complete conclusion as dating just like life itself can be completely ambiguous. One of the things I hadn’t covered, especially for men who’ve been in the dating game for a little bit or a little new to it is learning how to read the signs and signals that she’s giving off.
Let me paint out this scenario for you:
You’re on a date with a beautiful girl you had just met the other day as you were doing some grocery shopping after getting off from your workout at the gym. As you walk through the fruit and vegetable section, you notice this pretty brunette standing by the melons and pomegranates. A few things go through your mind: 1. “Omg, that’s the same girl who was by the leg press machine earlier that I wanted to talk to but my workout was more important.” and 2. “What should I say to her?”
As you spend the next 3-5 minutes deliberating on whether or not you should approach, you finally decide on it and say “fuck it”. You decided to take the chance and approach her cold. Even with the little hesitation, you managed to start conversation about the pomegranates and with a little small talk manage to introduce yourself and get her name. After the introduction and a little bit of flirting and banter, she gives you her phone number. You follow up a few hours later and decide to grab a drink at the lounge a few blocks down from your place and from her’s.
After securing the date it suddenly hits you that you have no idea what the hell you’re going to do or what you have to do. You decide to go on the date and everything seems to go smoothly. After a few drinks, getting to know each other a little bit, some more flirting, laughing, and banter you get this weird gut feeling that you’re supposed to pull the trigger and make a move. Instead of doing that, you take the more conservative route and eventually the date ends and you both part ways with plans to meet up again.
After two days you follow up with her through text, no response. You assume that she was busy and decide to follow up with a call the next day. Straight to voice mail. You give her some space and follow up a week later…still, no response. At this point you got the clear message, she’s lost interest and you fucked up somewhere on the first date.
It takes practice and time to develop that killer instinct of knowing when to make a move and move things forward both intimately and sexually with a girl who you’re vibing well with. Luckily for you, your learning curve hopefully won’t be as rough and awkward as mine when I had to go through the process of fucking up tons of dates (not intentionally) with girls I’ve dated & gone out with in the past.
So the question now lies, when should you make a move? What signals should you look out for to take it to the next step?
As a general rule of thumb, every girl is different, with different experiences, different sets of baggage, and different thresholds. Always remember the two things you need are both attraction and comfort. If she’s already agreed to the date and has met up with you that’s only half the battle. At that point it’s your job to develop trust with her by making her feel comfortable with you and a little bit more attraction with some flirting and humor to keep her on her toes.
If you wait too long, she’ll lose interest or assume you’re not attracted to her making her feel rejected. (This will be a post for another day but I will tell you from both observation, raw experience, and dealing with insecurities from both men and women, women like men aren’t good at accepting or dealing with the pain that comes with rejection.) On the other hand, if you move too quickly without making her feel comfortable with you, you’re also setting yourself up for rejection or giving off the vibe that you’re a horndog that doesn’t care to get to know her or her reservations.
There’s no perfect time, there will always be an inherent risk involved, and it’ll be a little awkward in the beginning, but remember a smooth sailor didn’t get good sailing smooth seas. As a general rule of thumb, I recommend that you read some books on body language and learn how to react to her or readjust whenever she feels uncomfortable.
To help you out with this process here are 5 signals to look out for when she wants you to make a move. As a man it’s your job to take the lead, so own it!
- She looks at your lips:
- You’re talking to her intimately at this point, there’s a lot of pausing in your conversations. You notice her eyes drift down for a moment from your eyes to the lower part of your face. This is a subtle signal that she probably wants you to kiss her. Remember to break her space, pause, mirror her, look at her eyes, then her lips, and her eyes again for a moment. and move in for the kiss. You can get a gauge of this if she’s already holding your hand whether you’re leading her to the bar, to the next venue, or to sit down, if she squeezes your hand back after you squeeze it (don’t crush her hand), in our classes and drilling we call this movement “pulsing”.
- She’s mirroring your touch & touching you a lot:
- If you still don’t know how to touch a girl please refer to this link below:
3. She holds eye contact with you for a long time and doesn’t break rapport
- At this point you can sense the sexual tension between the two of you in the air. You’re talking, tell her a story, you’re bantering back and forth with her, and ….. point is you realize she hasn’t broken eye contact with you and is mirroring both your body language and movements.
- What do you do? Don’t break eye contact, give into your fears, insecurities, and maintain that eye contact to build the sexual tension between the two of you. If she’s not breaking away, she’s comfortable with you so you don’t have to worry about anything being creepy or awkward. If this has happened more than once multiple times during your date with her, at this point I really hope you go in for the kiss, I can’t physically be present to slap you if you don’t move in.
4. You break in & out of her personal space
- This doesn’t have to be as intense as Don Draper giving you that seductive stare but if you’re breaking close to her personal space around her face and she’s comfortable with it, she’s either just naturally comfortable with this and has no personal boundaries or she’s really interested in you (assume the latter until proven otherwise). As human beings we don’t just let anyone get close to us right away or get into our personal space. When you do, you’re comfortable with that person and want them in your life. Same goes with women. One of the thing we teach in our classes is to break in and out of her personal space to build sexual tension. One of the ways we do this is lean in nice and close but slowly. If she doesn’t readjust to break space, you’re money. Pull out of it if she gets tense and then rinse and repeat periodically throughout your date until she’s comfortable with you in her personal space.
5. You’re both in a private location alone.
- If you got to this point and you’re still not moving it forward or kissing her, I really ought to drive over, interrupt the intimacy, and smack you if you hadn’t made a move yet. It’s common sense at this point, if you’re back at her place or yours, it’s pretty damn clear that she’s interested in you. Most girls wouldn’t allow this situation to happen if they hadn’t felt a sense of both attraction and comfort with a guy. Not every girl will be down to have sex right away but at the very least or bare minimum she wants to make out with you. Please I beg you to pull the trigger and move things forward. Don’t make her doubt that you’re interested in her or doubt yourself. It’s winning time, she’s rooting for you as I’m rooting for you too!
‘Til Next Time,
If you want any quick dating tips of the day, ask me any questions, what you want me to write about, get updates on our next post, Facebook Live Streams, or even just tell me how you’re doing send me a shout out on:
Facebook: Like our page, Craft of Charisma
We’re here for you!