A couple of years ago, we had a client come out with us for the first night of the Dating Mastery Program. He was recently divorced and hadn’t been out in the singles scene for over ten years.
We quickly had him approach a gorgeous lanky blond who was standing by the bar with her very cute friend. He introduced himself and immediately offered to buy the two ladies a round of drinks. He paid for the drinks, they said “thank you,” giggled, and then walked off. The client came back to us confused, asking “What went wrong?”
Society teaches men to buy drinks for women that they’re attracted to. We’re taught this from childhood. James Bond walks up, buys a beautiful woman a drink, and ten minutes later she’s back in his hotel room.
But in the real world, you want her to invest in you, and the relationship, before you start buying her things. Her investment will make the relationship stronger and more likely to continue into the future. That investment could take many forms. In a bar setting, it most likely takes the form of time (she talks to you for an extended period) or effort (she tries to keep the conversation going, she introduces you to her friends, she leaves with you to another venue).
In this case, our client bought drinks for the women in an attempt to buy time with them. Although the gesture probably had good intentions, it didn’t prompt them to invest anything in return.
Instead of spending money to buy time, approach the woman confidently, and quickly set and lead the interaction. Then, give her the opportunity to invest in you and your relationship.
Here are a couple quick tips to help you do this:
The next time you approach a woman, you’ll find that following these tips rather than buying her a drink will help you more easily build an emotional connection.
Founder, CEO, and Head Dating & Life Coach @ Craft of Charisma dating and relationship coaching.