In part one of this two-part series, I spent a lot of the time covering the mindset side of getting yourself mentally and emotionally prepared for a night out alone without the support of a wingman or group of friends.
From my years of coaching and field experience, I’ve found that once you manage to get yourself in the right mental and emotional frame, going out alone is no different than going out with a wingman or your group of friends. If anything, it’s even more fun once you get good at it, and it’ll help you build your dating and social skills a lot faster since you have no wingman to assist you in navigating various social situations.
As a refresher and if you’re still a little uneasy or unaware of how the nightlife scene works, please refer to my article on “How to Successfully Navigate the Nightlife.” It’s a comprehensive guide that covers everything from the reasons why it’s difficult to meet girls in nightlife venues, understanding subtle nuances, unspoken rules, and hierarchy that exists inside all bars and clubs, and how to leverage that to your advantage, efficiently meet women in areas most men ignore at these venues, and navigate from the dance floor to your bed with a girl you hit it off with.
If you’re still feeling anxious about going out solo, please read part one before continuing. As I’ve said, 90% of this is mental, with only 10% being physical. But if you’ve already started utilizing the psychological exercises and mentally re-orienting yourself to a night out alone, realize that the same skill sets and rules still apply, with just a few minor adjustments.
Tips & Strategies to Navigate the Nightlife Solo
1. Hit the ground running.
Because you don’t have the comfort of an immediate support system to fall back on every time you get blown out of a set or get rejected by a pretty girl, you will have ABSOLUTELY no incentive to continue your night out alone. It always blows my mind at how quickly even the most experienced guys throw in the towel after getting a slow or rough start.
Don’t stop socializing, and remember what I said about throwaway sets in the beginning of the night. You want to get yourself socially loose and limber. Talk to everyone and everything in sight, whether it’s the staff at the club, the bouncer, the cab driver, or the average Jane who you’d usually ignore. Check your ego at the door, get social, and learn how to leverage your momentum early on in the night.
2. By hitting the ground running, you now have a base.
Even when I’m out alone, I always manage to make a friend or two. It doesn’t matter if they’re guys or girls, at some point you’re going to run into some kind of resistance with a girl you’re attracted to or a group of girls that you’re trying to disarm and befriend.
You’ll get the question “So where are your friends?” or “What are you doing here by yourself?” In the past I used to panic and completely shut down when a girl or a group of girls would ask me those types of questions. It was dreadful, but it did teach me how to work under pressure and get creative. Understand this rule: most women are always assessing for a few things, and one of those things is safety.
There are a lot of crazy and creepy men out there with ill intentions towards women. 9 times out of 10, these types of guys tend to be alone most of the time. My point is, girls don’t want to see or perceive that a guy is alone at a social venue such as a bar or a club. By making a few friends in the venue, it’ll make things a lot easier for you.
3. When you do get those objections, stay cool.
Even though I just said women don’t want to see or perceive you as being alone, that doesn’t mean I’m saying women are like the CIA reading your every single move and watching you like a hawk. Don’t crack, and most of all just keep it cool and casual.
If you get that objection, there’s a few different ways you can respond to them:
- Your friends had split down to the bar next door or down the street to continue their bar crawl, and that you’re not trying to get too drunk because you have something to do the next day.
- They got bored and wanted to see the other venue, but you wanted to stay here because you enjoy the good vibes here.
- They stepped out to grab some food because they were hungry.
- One of your friends got kicked out for getting too drunk and your other friend told you to stay back to hold down the fort while he checked in on her.
- They went to the other end of the club to grab a drink because the line here was too crazy…
My point is, get creative. Most of the time, once you manage to win them over they won’t bring it up, unless you act weird, do something strange, or give them a reason to bring it up again. Realize it’s not a big deal. Sometimes I’ll even utilize the “base” friends I had made on early in the night as my designated “friend” group if they get curious.
4. If you’re comfortable enough with yourself, “just be” and play the curious card.
This isn’t a Buddhist “new age” type of suggestion I’m trying to make. If you give off a really comfortable, friendly, relaxed, and easygoing vibe, then you can just tell a girl or her friends if they ask that, “I’m honestly just a curious and adventurous person at heart, my friends weren’t in the mood to go out and I just felt like going on an adventure and seeing how the night will unfold. I’m still pretty new to this city, I’d love to buy you all a drink!”
I’ve used this a few times and it’s done me wonders in the long haul. I’m not saying every girl will be friendly and receptive all the time, but from all the times I have utilized this, I managed to befriend the girls and end up hanging out with them for the rest of the night and even hooking up with one of them.
While it’s more of a long-term strategy, it pays to have female friends. It will make it easier for you to get into a lot of venues, understand female psychology, and give you options. Having a group of pretty friends that’ll invite you to go out with them again will also make it much easier for you to meet all the unapproachable women in the bars and the clubs.
It seems counter-intuitive, but women are more likely to be attracted to or even be friendly towards a guy that’s with girls, especially if they’re really pretty. They won’t know your relationship with them or that you had just met them. But what it communicates to a girl, especially if you’re surrounded by pretty women is, “Oh, I wonder what he’s got going for him? He must me attractive and since he’s with these really pretty girls he must be safe or not crazy or not creepy.”
5. Get in early.
As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, I cannot over-emphasize the importance of getting to a venue early and getting social before the venue converts from a lounge to a club.
As the night progresses, it gets progressively harder to meet, attract, and connect with most women due to variables out of your control ranging from alcoholic inhibitions, the guy to girl ratio being completely off, the darkness of the venue, the loud music which makes it impossible to talk, and girls getting more defensive because of the amount of horny and creepy guys being too sexually forward and just plain annoying.
So if you want to get better, hone your social skills, and master the fine art of going out solo to meet women in the nightlife, make sure to start early.
‘Til next time… Take care for now, we’re always here for you guys!