Going Out Alone (Part II)
-by Rob Virges
In part one of this two part series, I spent a lot of the time covering the mental and psychological processes of getting yourself mentally and emotionally prepared for a night out alone without the support of a wingman or a support of your friend groups. From my years of coaching and field experience I’ve found that once you manage to get yourself in the right mental and emotional frame, going out alone is no different then going out with a wingman or your group of friends, if anything it’s very fun once you get good at it & it’ll help you build your dating and social skills a lot faster since you have no wingman to assist you and that to tactically finesse yourself into the various amounts of social circles lingering in the various areas of the bar, outside of the bar, the club, and sometimes even the street.
As a refresher and if you’re still a little uneasy or unaware of how the nightlife works, before you continue reading this, please refer to the article “Phases of the Night: How to Successfully Navigate the Nightlife.” It’s a comprehensive long form guide that covers everything from the reasons why it’s difficult to meet girls in nightlife venues, understanding the subtle nuances, unspoken rules, and hierarchy that exists inside all bars & clubs & how to leverage that to your advantage, how to efficiently meet women in areas most men ignore at these venues, and navigating from the dance floor to your bed with a girl you just hit it off with.
Before I get into the gist of what you have to do tactically before going out alone and if you’re still feeling anxious, please read “Going Out Alone Part I” before continuing, as I’ve said 90% of this is mental with 10% only being physical. But if you have already and have started utilizing the psychological exercises and mentally re-orienting yourself to a night out alone, realize that the same skill-set and rules are still in play with just a few minor adjustments.
- Hit the ground running.
- Because you don’t have the comfort of an immediate support system to fall back on everytime you get blown out of a set or get rejected by a pretty girl, you will have ABSOLUTELY no incentive to continue your night out alone. It always blows my mind to how quickly even the most experienced guys throw in the towel after getting either a slow or rough start. Don’t stop socializing, remember what I said about throwaway sets in the beginning of the night. You want to get yourself socially lose and limber. Talk to everyone and everything in sight, doesn’t matter if it’s the staff at the club, the bouncer, the cab driver, the average jane that you usually would ignore or have no problem talking to. Check your ego at the door, get social, and learn how to leverage your momentum early on in the night.
- By hitting the ground running, you now have a base.
- Even when I’m out alone I always manage to make a friend or two. Doesn’t matter if they’re guys or girls, at some point you’re going to run into some kind of resistance with a girl you’re attracted to or a group of girls that you’re trying to disarm and befriend. You’ll get the question “So where are your friends?” or “What are you doing here by yourself?” In the past I used to panic and completely shut down when a girl or a group of girls would ask me those type of questions. It was dreadful but it did teach me how to work under pressure and get creative. Understand this rule, most women are always assessing for a few things, one of those things is safety. There are a lot of crazy and creepy guys out there, don’t mistake that as me labeling you as crazy or creepy, I mean literally bat shit crazy or just plain creepy with ill intentions towards women. 9 times out of 10, these type of guys tend to be alone most of the time. My point is, girls don’t want to see or perceive a guy is alone at a social venue such as a bar or a club, trust me it’ll make it a lot easier for you if you have made a few friends in the venue.
- When you do get those objections, stay cool.
- Now even though I had just said women don’t want to see or perceive you as being alone, that doesn’t mean I’m saying women are like the CIA reading your every single move and watching you like a hawk. Don’t crack and most of all just keep it cool and casual, if you get that objection just tell them your friends had split down to the bar next door or down the street to continue their bar crawl and that you’re not trying to get too drunk cause you gotta do something the next day, because they got bored and wanted to see the other venue and that you wanted to stay back cause you enjoy the good vibes here, or they stepped out to grab some food cause they were hungry, or that one of your girlfriends got kicked out for getting too drunk and that your other friend told you to stay back to hold down the fort while he checked in on her, or they went to the other end of the club to grab a drink cause the line here was too crazy….My point is, get creative. Most of the time once you manage to win them over they’ll or she’ll never bring it up, unless you act weird, do something strange, or give them a reason to bring it up again. It’s not much of an issue, I usually will sometimes utilize the “base” friends I had made on early in the night as my designated “friend” group if they get curious.
- If you’re comfortable enough with yourself, “just be” & play the curious card.
- Now that wasn’t a Buddhist “new age” type of suggestion I was trying to make, if you give off a really comfortable, friendly, relaxed, and easy going vibe then you can just tell a girl or her friends if they ask that “I’m honestly just a curious and adventurous person at heart, my friends weren’t in the mood to go out and I just felt like going on an adventure and seeing how the night will unfold. I’m still pretty new to this city, I’d love buy you all a drink!” I’ve used this a few times and it’s done me wonders in the long haul, not saying every girl will be friendly and receptive all the time but, from all the times I have utilized this I managed to befriend the girls & end up hanging out with them for the rest of the night and even hooking up with one of them, it’s more of a long-term strategy but it pays to have female friends, it’ll make it easier for you to get into a lot of venues, understand female psychology, give you options, and also a group of pretty friends that’ll invite you to go out with them again which will make it much easier for you to meet all the unapproachable women in the bars and the clubs. It seems counter-intuitive but, women are more likely to be attracted to or even be friendly towards a guy that’s with girls, especially if they’re really pretty. Now they won’t know your relationship with them or that you had just met them recently, what that communicates to a girl especially if you’re surrounded by pretty women is “Oh, I wonder what he’s got going for him? He must me attractive and since he’s with these really pretty girls he must be safe or not crazy or not creepy.”
- Get in early
- As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, I cannot over-emphasize the importance of getting to a venue early and getting social before the venue converts from a lounge to a club, as the night progresses it get’s progressively harder to meet, attract, and connect with most women due to variables out of your control ranging from alcoholic inhibitions, the guy to girl ratio being completely off, the darkness of the venue, the loud music which makes it impossible to talk, and girls getting more defensive as the night progresses because of the amount of horny and creepy guys out an about and just being too sexually forward and just plain annoying. Please, if you want to get better, hone your skills, and master the fine art of going solo, please start early.
‘Til next time….Take care for now, we’re always here for you guys!
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