How to Be Seductive: Part 2

“I know the mindset around what it takes to be a sexy man in this day and age, but how do I trigger attraction and get her to see me in a sexual and romantic light?”

If you haven’t read part one of this two-part series, I highly recommend that you go through it before reading this post. As I’ve mentioned before, you cannot build a house on a weak foundation. I can give you all the best lines and help you improve yourself externally, but if you don’t build your internal core confidence, you’re at a serious disadvantage and will never feel or believe that you are attractive to the opposite sex.

In part one, I provided a four-step guide on building your sexual appeal. It started with mindset, to building an attractive life, to giving yourself an external upgrade, and execution through seeking out mentors and treating the world around you as one gigantic lab experiment. In this article, I will talk more about male sex appeal and the values, character traits, and qualities that women find attractive in men.

First off, it’s essential that you look long-term and realize that building sex appeal and learning seduction takes time. It’s fundamental to understand that attraction is totally different for women than it is for men. Most men go under the assumption that like them, looks are what attract a woman. The reality is actually far from that.

I briefly talked about this in my previous posts, “How to Touch a Girl: Part I” and “How to Touch a Girl: Part II.” But to refresh your memory and make it a little easier for you, I’ll briefly go over what triggers attraction in women and men. As men, we’re biologically hardwired to seek out the healthiest mates for reproduction, to ensure our genes are passed onto the next generation and we aren’t weeded out of existence.

So it’s natural that the highest priority for men when seeking out a partner is based on surface level things such as her level of physical attractiveness, which ensures reproductive value. That doesn’t mean that men are shallow and the only thing that they care about is looks. In civilized society, it’s only lately that men have been conditioned find a girl attractive because of something inexplicable such as her vibe or her personality.

It’s just fundamental to understand that men are hardwired to decide if they’re attracted to a woman based on her looks, while personality traits and values come as secondary factors.

Women on the other hand are hardwired to take their time when assessing whether or not they are attracted to a man. They typically assess men for three things in looking for a mate:

  • Safety
  • Health
  • Hierarchy

Because women have a lot to lose and are the ones to bear children, they want to know if their potential mating partner is physically healthy for reproduction, where they lie on the food chain, as in whether the man provide and gather resources for her and their children, and how capable he is of making her feel secure and safe from outside threats to her and their children.

I didn’t mean to make this an evolutionary psychology lesson, but I wanted to provide you some context on the triggers and differences between male and female attraction. If there’s one key takeaway here, it’s that “attraction is different for women than it is for men.”

This explains the phenomenon where you’ll see drop dead gorgeous women dating, in a relationship with, or married to a guy who is less than stellar in the looks department. Most people would make the assumption that she’s only with him due to his resources and status, such as the man’s wealth or social standing in society.

While this is true in some cases, there are other valid reasons for why she’s with him, and it all boils down to value. What does value mean? It can mean that the guy provides some kind of value to her which goes back to those three things: safety, health, and hierarchy. He provides emotional value, hierarchical value, protective value, etc.

So as a man, if you’re blessed with good genes it can help, but it’s not the end-all be-all. You don’t have to be a Men’s Health or GQ cover model to attract and go out with the girl of your dreams. It’s fundamental to know that seduction and building attraction and comfort with a girl is a process, not a sudden event like it is for most men. It happens over time, depending on how well you understand it.

That’s why in “How to be Seductive: Part I” I spent a great amount of time talking about developing your core confidence, building an interesting life and pursuing a life of passion. This give you more interesting things to talk about, which creates attraction and builds your value. We also talked about things like grooming, fitness, and fashion to help you package yourself better when attracting the right mate.

So when you ask a girl what she finds attractive in a man or what’s the first thing she’ll notice, nine times out of 10 she’ll probably list personality and character traits over the superficial things such as looks or the size of your bank account.

Now don’t get me wrong, the superficial things can help you attract women, but it’ll probably attract the wrong kinds of women. Your self-worth shouldn’t be dictated by what your pedigree is or what resources you have. Those things are merely extensions of yourself and the life you’re building for yourself.

Traits to Increase Your Sex Appeal

1. Sense of Humor

Humor can take you a really long way. A man who lacks a sense of humor and takes himself way too seriously is just not attractive and can be a huge turn-off for women. As I’ve said before, you want to build emotional equity and value and comfort with her. One of the fastest ways to break the ice is through humor. If you don’t believe me, go on YouTube and look up Russell Brand MSNBC Interview. You’ll see exactly what I mean.

So find the funny in everything around you, laugh a little, read about pop culture and think about the absurdities, and make random observations of the world around you in a lighthearted manner. If you really want to develop your sense of humor and wit, start taking stand-up comedy classes.

2. Intellect

You don’t have to be a textbook genius or pretentious know-it-all, but having some kind of intellect and communicating your curiosity about the world around you will do wonders. I’d recommend looking up Hank Moody from the show Californication, who infuses literary wit with sexual innuendos to emotionally stimulate women.

3. Strength

I’m not talking about physical strength or appearance, although it certainly doesn’t hurt to be in shape. I’m talking about being a man and being mentally and emotionally strong.

There will be a lot of emotional ups and downs in dating and life in general. The most important part is to have a strong sense of who you are, stay grounded in your own reality, and deal with your emotions in the most constructive way possible. I’d recommend looking into meditation, stoicism, or Zen Buddhism if you want a little bit of direction.

4. Vulnerability

There’s nothing wrong with being human. That doesn’t mean I’m saying to go up to the girl of your dreams or the next cute girl you see and just profess your love to her. What I mean is that you let her know something personal about yourself after she’s shared something personal with you. You talk about the things you’re passionate about, your fears, your anxieties, and your imperfections. But the most important part is that you acknowledge it, accept it, and work through it.

5. Sexual Confidence

I’m not implying that you go get penis enlargement surgery, buy a pump, or wear magnum-sized condoms. True sexual confidence has nothing to do with size, moves, and notches under your belt. It’s the ability to read her emotional states, her body, the sound of her breathing, and acting on that sexual tension. It’s letting her know and showing her through your body that you’re into her and that you’re not afraid to be a man.

It’s a quiet confidence, and honestly the only way to really build it is through experience, being present with her, and connecting with her on both a physical and emotional level. Don’t go around and act like an obnoxious teenager and brag about the sex you had with her. A secure man doesn’t have to let the world know about it; it’s strictly between you and her.

Building sex appeal and seducing her through your presence is a skill set and mindset that takes time to learn. The most important part is to keep working at it, on yourself, and improving based on the experiences on your journey.

Take care for now, we’re always here for you guys!


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Rob Virges

Hi, I'm Rob and welcome to our website!

In the last decade I've been coaching men (and women) in the art of connecting and finding love. I can tell you I've been referred to as "an asshole with a heart".

Just like other men who've been trying to figure out and understand the dating game, I used to be socially awkward. I'm a former Dating Mastery Program alumni and CofC apprentice with a decade worth of experience under my belt as a student, coach, and lifestyle mentor. My background is in applied psychology and I utilize a combination academic theory, research, and practical application towards our coaching.

I'm not a creepy pickup artist. I'm a normal guy that's competent, confident, and comfortable with women. My job is simple and that's to understand, nurture, support, motivate, and help you achieve and possibly realize the best version of yourself so you can authentically express yourself, connect with women (or men), and help you achieve whatever your dating goals may be in the most holistic, comprehensive, and practical manner.

Welcome to Craft of Charisma, The #1 company for teaching people to authentically connect, love, and nurture healthy relationships that can last a lifetime.

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