-by Rob Virges
A few weeks ago I wrote an article about moving on and letting go of a girl you’ve either just recently broken up with, have been pursuing but doesn’t feel the same way about you, or has in some form become an unfulfilled flame due to circumstances that are completely out of your control.
If you haven’t read it yet, I recommend that you take a look at it before continuing with this current post:
This post is going to be a little different from Part I in a sense that it’s mostly a conceptual lesson on what biologically happens to your body and mind after you go through a breakup or some form of rejection. Recently, I’ve been reading the New York Times best seller Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. If you’ve got some time I highly recommend picking it up if you want to constructively understand why dating in this era and generation is significantly different from the previous generations and also an educational, highly entertaining, and critical analysis on the evolution of dating and mating.
Aziz Ansari collaborated with a biological anthropologist by the name of Dr. Helen Fisher.
So why exactly does heartbreak and rejection hurt so much?
As explained by her “Romantic love has a constellation of personality traits & characteristics, among them is a trait called separation anxiety. When you’re separated from a person you get anxious. You want them to text, you want them to call, you want them to write, you want them to tell you “I love you”.”
She decided to put people who’ve been in love and or rejected under a brain scanner to study the activity in their brain. What she found was brain regions associated with profound addiction and addictive behavior would be activated. Three parts of the brain were activated, the ones associated with craving and addiction along with the part of the brain that becomes active when you take cocaine and when you’re going through withdrawals. Last but not least, she found activity in the part of the brain linked with physical pain along with the anxiety that goes along with physical pain.
One part of the brain region that is associated with deep feelings of romantic love. She also goes on to mention the concept of “Frustration Attraction” in which you don’t stop loving someone even after they’ve rejected or dumped you or in a nutshell the phenomenon where you want something more when you perceive that you can’t have it. Basically, when you can’t get what you want you just try harder and harder to pursue that person even after they’ve broken up with you both unconsciously or conscious.
In a nutshell, this can explain why it’s so hard to get over a person even after they’ve dumped you, rejected you if you were emotionally invested with them to begin with.
You can take a look at this in the link provided below:
This wasn’t meant to be something that should scare you and prevent you from taking active action in improving your dating and love life. More or less, I wanted to provide a conceptual understanding to go along with the advice I provided in part I of this series. Knowledge is power, and knowing these things in advance could give you the ability to understand and cope with those difficult emotions that comes with breaking up with someone who you were deeply in love with, coming off a a long relationship, or an unfulfilled romance. Use this knowledge in conjunction with the tips I provided in part I if you’re getting stuck. Knowledge is nothing without active application.
‘Til next time….Take care for now, we’re always here for you guys!
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